Got Wedding Etiquette?

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

You’ve received the wedding invitation you’ve been waiting for has just arrived.   First thought: Yippy!   Second thought, what the hell am I supposed to wear ?   Never fear, I’m here to help you on that rocky wedding-themed road, Suggested Informal Attire Women: Daytime: Street length dress, separates, or business attire for daytime weddings Evening: Attire appropriate for a nice restaurant Men: Daytime: Dress shirt and pants, preferably add a sports jacket Evening: Suit or sport jacket paired with slacks if very informal Suggested Semi-Formal Women: Daytime: Street length dress/nice separates or suit   Evening: Cocktail dress (little black dress or its equivalent) Men: Daytime: Suit Evening: Dark suit and tie  Suggested Formal & Black-Tie Women: Daytime: Daytime appropriate cocktail dress or suit. Hats and gloves are optional. Evening or Black-Tie: Long or dressy short cocktail (beading and sequins with dressier ac...

  Answers to Common Wedding Attire Questions Q : Is it appropriate for a woman to wear black to a daytime wedding? A : Absolutely!   There was a time when wearing black to a wedding was a two-fold faux pas, as it could appear the guest thought poorly of the union and black attire symbolized mourning.   Thankfully, this is not the case today.   Black is a popular color choice.   In fact, wearing red is the only taboo color for wedding guests—unless it is a cultural norm.   Q : May I wear a formal dress with sequins for a daytime wedding? A : Unfortunately, sequins and beaded gowns are formal evening attire.   Most likely, unless this is a very formal wedding-reception-combo all-day affair, guest attire would be daytime-appropriate cocktail attire. Q : I found the perfect blue strapless gown for my best friend's wedding.   Would this be appropriate for a semi-formal evening wedding? A : If you would still like to be friends after th...

  In the movie "You Again," Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver — as mothers of bride and groom – both wore red, off-the-shoulder dresses to the rehearsal dinner.   Yikes!   All eyes traveled to the attractive red dots floating around the room.   This, of course, isn't the best attire for mothers to wear to any wedding-related event.   But, what about wedding guests?   What is proper attire for wedding guests to wear to the wedding and how is it determined? Pay Attention to the Details The wedding invitation is our first clue to the formality of the wedding, and thus to our attire.   The heaviness of the paper, time of day, and the type of venue give us hints.   Usually, daytime weddings are less formal.   Couples use heavier paper for invitations for formal weddings.   Most often they will include the wording, "Formal" or "Black Tie" in the lower left-hand corner.    And, if the venue seems formal, the wedding usua...

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case t...

  As an etiquette consultant, I’ve answered wedding etiquette questions for over 20 years.   Interestingly, very few brides know what to do about their flower girls.   They don’t know how to dress them, how to include them in pre-wedding events, and what gift to give them.   Luckily, I have all the answers.   More than that, I have also included a wedding challenge quiz question buried somewhere in this article.   See if you can answer it correctly. How should I dress my flower girl? Dress your flower girl in age-appropriate attire similarly in style with other bridesmaids.   Since the proper age for a flower girl is between the ages of four and eight, safety and maneuverability are important as well.   Little ones could trip over a long skirt.   Consider that she may hit a growth spurt so it’s best to choose a dress that can be ordered near to the wedding date.   Her shoes should be flats and look like those worn by the bri...

Consider These Ideas Consider a used or rented wedding gown. Please avoid cringing. The dress is only worn once and then placed in a box, which will probably never be opened again. So, picture yourself in an expensive designer gown you didn't think you could ever afford. And the best part is that it is a fraction of the price of one that is new. Plus, you would be "doing the right thing" by being less wasteful. That is a great way to begin this next stage of your life. Used Gowns Preowned Wedding Dresses Used Wedding Dresses Rental Gowns Rent The Runway Search online. More options appear often. Be kind and use rental dresses for your maids as well Please leave your ideas in the comment section to share with others! More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding & Reception Tips Money-Saving Officiate Tips Money-Saving Cake Alternatives 

  Dear Polite One, Our wedding is at 4pm with an evening reception after 6pm. Both events will be very formal .  Since the times require different attire, we are confused about appropriate attire for the men. I was considering tuxedos during the daytime since the reception is in the evening.  But the reception is very formal so I'm considering white tie and tailcoats. Is this appropriate? Formally confused Dear Formally Confused, Unfortunately, tuxes are formal evening attire, not to be worn during the day, even if many do it anyway. If you wish to follow the traditional road, the men should wear cutaway coats, gray striped trousers, and waistcoats for the daytime wedding and full-dress tailcoats with matching trousers, white waistcoats, and bow ties for the evening. However, because the wedding is during the day, they can wear the cutaways for the entire event. The one issue here that I find problematic though is that there is a sizable gap between the w...

  Dear Polite One, We are planning an afternoon August wedding on a large cruise ship in the Caribbean and don't know what dress code to list for guests. Our preference is resort attire that is closer to cocktail attire--no jackets for men. I'm worried that if I list resort attire, some may wear beach attire.  What do you suggest? Sailing along Hello Sailing Along, "Evening Resort Casual" might work.   But you might want to add the word "cocktail" to create a picture that truly describes your wishes. Country club attire and evening resort wear are a few other names that work as well. Congratulations! Regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to a wedding in Seattle? May I change shoes to dance at the reception? What is a Californian to wear to a wedding/reception in NY?

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a Catholic wedding – mass at 10:30 followed by the wedding — in New York and reception are at a restored mansion at 5 pm.  The wedding party will be formal dressed with men in tuxes .  I have no idea what to wear since the wedding is so early and the reception is in the evening.  Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA Dear Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA, Since the tux shouldn't be worn before 5/6 pm we are not following tradition here, so we can take a few liberties—great for we Californians . Catholic weddings tend to be more formal so your material would have to look rich.   So, the little black dress, or its equivalent, in quality material would work.  Just pick out an outfit that looks special and expensive. Please keep in mind that the ceremony is Catholic, so to be polite , your outfit will have to be conservative or have a jacket to cover your shoulders. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite O...

  Dear Polite One, I'm invited to cocktail attire, late-afternoon wedding in Mendocino .  I'd love to wear "the little black dress" but am worried about wearing heels.  There will be swing dance lessons at the reception.  Should I wear heels and change into comfortable shoes for the lessons? Confused Dear Confused, Black is the ‘in’ color now, so the little black dress is a valid choice. Of course, you could change into your dance shoes.  It's much better than a broken ankle. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for outdoor formal attire in the heat of Houston ? May we wear shorts to a formal wedding in Kentucky? What to wear to a wedding in Seattle?

  Dear Polite One, I'm another of those living in Seattle who ends up confused and overdressed at almost every turn. Alas, I have a predicament. I was just invited to a wedding reception scheduled to begin at 5:30pm on Friday. It is being held in a nice waterfront restaurant on the Locks, so it's an area where boats dock and sailors and yachters move in and out. Because it is before 6, does the cocktail dress attire still apply? I don't know the hosts and am going as the guest of a local politician, so it feels crucial that I be completely appropriate for his sake (alright, and for my own ego). Adding to the pressure, it is only our second date. I have a fitted black sleeveless dress, slightly below the knee with an empire waist and fuchsia stitched braiding around the edge of the scooped neckline, armholes, and bodice. I was thinking I could tie up a fuchsia cardigan over it to dress it down a little bit if I get there and it's more casual than I expected. ...