Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Dear Polite One, Please tell me what is a proper vow renewal gift? Stumped, Dear Stumped, Vow renewals are not considered a gift-giving event, but if you wish to give one you may. For benchmark anniversaries (vow renewals) guests typically give life-style gifts , such as certificates to spas, or a certificate to a favorite restaurant. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Are wishing wells and attendants proper for a vow renewal? How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ?

  Dear Polite One, My sister is renewing her vows after two years of marriage.  Since she didn't get any pictures of the first wedding – snowstorm – she feels that she can have the full wedding and reception with limo and pictures.  When asked, she states that this is only a blessing of her marriage vows. The problem is that she expects me to be one of her attendants, traveling all over for pictures and hosting parties for her.  I have a health issue that requires rest.  This is impossible for me.  Also, she is including a wishing well at the wedding site and two at the reception site.  What type of gift should I give?  I don't have extra cash to toss in the box.  Tired Sis Dear Tired Sis, This is not a gift-giving event, so you are not obligated to give her one, especially cash.   This is not a wedding, so there should be no attendants. This should be a ceremony for only her and her husband. Wishing wells are very tacky and impolite .  It is like begging fo

  Dear Polite One, Our wedding is at 4pm with an evening reception after 6pm. Both events will be very formal .  Since the times require different attire, we are confused about appropriate attire for the men. I was considering tuxedos during the daytime since the reception is in the evening.  But the reception is very formal so I'm considering white tie and tailcoats. Is this appropriate? Formally confused Dear Formally Confused, Unfortunately, tuxes are formal evening attire, not to be worn during the day, even if many do it anyway. If you wish to follow the traditional road, the men should wear cutaway coats, gray striped trousers, and waistcoats for the daytime wedding and full-dress tailcoats with matching trousers, white waistcoats, and bow ties for the evening. However, because the wedding is during the day, they can wear the cutaways for the entire event. The one issue here that I find problematic though is that there is a sizable gap between the wedding and

  Dear Polite One, We are planning an afternoon August wedding on a large cruise ship in the Caribbean and don't know what dress code to list for guests. Our preference is resort attire that is closer to cocktail attire--no jackets for men. I'm worried that if I list resort attire, some may wear beach attire.  What do you suggest? Sailing along Hello Sailing Along, "Evening Resort Casual" might work.   But you might want to add the word "cocktail" to create a picture that truly describes your wishes. Country club attire and evening resort wear are a few other names that work as well. Congratulations! Regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to a wedding in Seattle? May I change shoes to dance at the reception? What is a Californian to wear to a wedding/reception in NY?

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a Catholic wedding – mass at 10:30 followed by the wedding — in New York and reception are at a restored mansion at 5 pm.  The wedding party will be formal dressed with men in tuxes .  I have no idea what to wear since the wedding is so early and the reception is in the evening.  Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA Dear Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA, Since the tux shouldn't be worn before 5/6 pm we are not following tradition here, so we can take a few liberties—great for we Californians . Catholic weddings tend to be more formal so your material would have to look rich.   So, the little black dress, or its equivalent, in quality material would work.  Just pick out an outfit that looks special and expensive. Please keep in mind that the ceremony is Catholic, so to be polite , your outfit will have to be conservative or have a jacket to cover your shoulders. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One May we wear shorts to

  Dear Polite One, I'm invited to cocktail attire, late-afternoon wedding in Mendocino .  I'd love to wear "the little black dress" but am worried about wearing heels.  There will be swing dance lessons at the reception.  Should I wear heels and change into comfortable shoes for the lessons? Confused Dear Confused, Black is the ‘in’ color now, so the little black dress is a valid choice. Of course, you could change into your dance shoes.  It's much better than a broken ankle. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for outdoor formal attire in the heat of Houston ? May we wear shorts to a formal wedding in Kentucky? What to wear to a wedding in Seattle?

  Dear Polite One, I'm another of those living in Seattle who ends up confused and overdressed at almost every turn. Alas, I have a predicament. I was just invited to a wedding reception scheduled to begin at 5:30pm on Friday. It is being held in a nice waterfront restaurant on the Locks, so it's an area where boats dock and sailors and yachters move in and out. Because it is before 6, does the cocktail dress attire still apply? I don't know the hosts and am going as the guest of a local politician, so it feels crucial that I be completely appropriate for his sake (alright, and for my own ego). Adding to the pressure, it is only our second date. I have a fitted black sleeveless dress, slightly below the knee with an empire waist and fuchsia stitched braiding around the edge of the scooped neckline, armholes, and bodice. I was thinking I could tie up a fuchsia cardigan over it to dress it down a little bit if I get there and it's more casual than I expected.

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a formal late afternoon family wedding/reception in the heat of Kentucky.  I understand that the bridal party, including my sister – mother of the bride – will be in formal wear.  She mentioned that the valets will be in black shorts.  Considering the heat, would it be appropriate for my husband and me to wear shorts as well?  We are in our late 50s.  Wearing shorts Dear Wearing Shorts, Given that the bridal party is dressed in formal attire you should too, especially since you are family.  Of course, you don't have to dress as formally as they, but cocktail attire would be most appropriate.  It wouldn't be polite or respectful to wear shorts.  I'm sure you two can find cool cocktail attire that would be appropriate for a wedding.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa? Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals? How to dress for outdoor formal attire in the

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a 4 pm outdoor wedding/reception in Houston in September.  The dress code is outdoor formal.  I understand that the temperature could be very warm.  Any ideas of how to dress? Sweating in Houston Dear Sweating in Houston, Typically, outdoor weddings are informal and fold in the fabricated dress code, and this is a mystery.   So, we will have to make some assumptions.  Since it is an evening wedding, it could be a slight bit more formal, so perhaps wearing what you would to a very nice restaurant would be best.  If this is held at a more formal venue, include high-quality accessories.  Additionally, be careful about choosing revealing attire just because of the heat.  Guests shouldn't vie for the eye.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa? Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals?  

  Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club.  Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework!  You are absolutely correct about your attire choice.  Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter.  FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

  Dear Polite One, With all the changes in style, what is considered semi-formal these days?  As a guest to an evening wedding in Napa , I considered wearing a light blue chiffon tea-length dress.  Is this appropriate? Visitor from Napa, CA Dear Visitor from Napa, CA, Semi-formal is dressy, usually cocktail or party type dresses. Simply think, "dress-up" with nice material like satin, silk, etc.  However, with this sometimes confusing dress code, there is wiggle room.  More than likely, your dress should be fine if it doesn't have any embellishments to make it more formal, like sequins.  I would imagine that attire choices for women will be all over the map with some in cocktail dresses and some in prom-type attire.  After all, this is California and we do tend to confuse dress codes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear and do I give a gift for an engagement party? How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"

  Dear Polite One, My significant other is the father of the bride.  The bride and most of his family live in New York and we live in California.  He has been staying near his daughter for a few months now on business.  I understand that weddings are more formal in there than here in most of California .  Any ideas of what to wear to a daytime formal wedding in a church?  He will be wearing a stroller. Casual in CA Dear Casual in CA, The positive here is that you don't have to worry too much. Your significant other is going to have more on his mind than your dress. Father of the bride? Now, that is pressure.  Having said that, his family will notice.  So, it is vital that your attire be respectful and conservative. Also, it may be best to ask your significant other to ask the mother of the bride what she is wearing so you dress less formally than her.  Let him know that you don't consider yourself one of the mothers, but just want to show your respect for those w

  Dear Polite One, I am the "second wife" of a dear man who was divorced for four years before we began seeing each other.  My husband and I are attending a wedding where most of the guests are his old friends and family who were very close to his first wife.  It's very uncomfortable since they tend to mention her every time I see them.  Fold into this toxic mess the fact that the wedding is in a trendy part of LA after 6pm.  The wedding and reception will be held in a restaurant, so I don't think it will be very formal.  Obviously, however, I need to look stunning.  The Second Wife Dear Second Wife, I'm sorry these people can't seem to think of anything new to talk about.  It is hurtful and most realize it.  Just try reminding yourself that you don't live with these people and yours is a good life.  I call it "Playing the duck."  Water rolls off a duck's back.  It's best when in difficult situations like this.  We try not

Dear Polite One, I have been invited to an evening engagement cocktail party that will be held in a person's Seattle home.  What should I wear, and do I take a gift? Thank you, Curious in Seattle Dear Curious in Seattle, Traditions quickly crumble these days, but originally, this was a surprise party for guests to inform them of the couple's engagement. Because of this, only those close to the couple gave gifts and never at the party.  These were considered the bride's gifts but were not to be used until after the wedding.  That said, for many rules such as this don't apply much anymore, making it difficult for all of us.  So, if you want to take a gift, you may.  If you are close family, you might want to ask other family members what they are doing.  Bottom line though, you are not obligated to give one.  As for your attire, wear what you would to any cocktail party, as these are considered dressy affairs—a dressy pants suit, cocktail dress.  Basi

Dear Polite One, We both have horrible handwriting.  I typed my thank you notes for our wedding shower, but I just read in one of your answers that this could be considered rude. Each note that I type is individually done per person and gift, they're not copied or pasted from one to another, even when people go in on the gift.  Is this wrong?   Thank You! Needs a Scribe Dear Needs a Scribe, I’m sorry, but yes, it is impolite.  It is considered the same as a mass mailing if it is typed.  But don’t beat yourself up too much.  It is better to have sent them than not to.  I rarely receive one.   I can certainly understand the handwriting issue as I have the same problem. Still, it is better just to take your time and write the best you can.  I find it helpful to always write a rough draft of all my letters.   You will definitely want to handwrite all of your wedding gift thank-you notes as soon as you receive them.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Poli

    Dear Polite One, May we, the groom's family, send thank you notes to guests that attended my son's wedding reception? These are our family friends, and we are just so pleased people came from all over to help them celebrate the marriage of our son.  The bride and groom hosted the event, so I want to make sure it doesn't appear that we paid so wording is a concern.   Can you please provide some advice and if this is appropriate?   MOG Dear MOG, Actually, no.  It might appear as if it is a reminder to the guest to send a gift .  If the guest gave a gift, the couple would send a thank you note mentioning their appreciation for the guest's attendance.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to list all the parents on the wedding program? How to list divorced parents on the wedding program? How to list bride’s escorts on the wedding program?

Dear Polite One, For my wedding program, how should I list my parents (bride) who are divorced and my father has remarried? Multiple parents Dear Multiple Parents, List your mother first as mother of the bride.  If she has an escort, list his/her name next to hers as her escort.  Your father is listed under the mother as the father of the bride with his wife’s name listed next to his as his wife such as: Father of the bride: Mr. Frank Jones accompanied by his wife Mrs. Jane Jones.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Newspaper announcement for encore bride? Registry Info in Announcements for Our Small Wedding in Brussels? How to list all the parents on the wedding program?

Dear Polite One, How do I list the groom's divorced parents and a remarried mother on the wedding program?  The template is a bell, so we are centered at the top followed by the date (centered).  Then I have centered the word "Parents", and on the left side I have my parents then on the right side I have the groom's parents. Example                                    Parents Mr. & Mrs. Brides Parents            Mr. & Mrs. Mother of the groom & husband                                          Mr. Father of the groom  Or should I just list their first and last names?  The wedding is not formal, but completely informal either.  Programmed Dear Programmed, Your example is perfect.  Go for it! Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to list bride’s escorts on the wedding program? What is inner envelope etiquette? Rehearsal dinner invitations?