Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Not far in our collective past, the bride’s parents were financially responsible for their daughter’s wedding.   This also gave them the opportunity to use this as a social event inviting their friends and business associates.   The groom’s family received roughly half of the list and they did the same.   Times have changed.   Our children are better educated, and many times have higher incomes than we.   Most often they can pay for their own weddings.   In a nutshell, parents are no longer financially responsible.   This also means that parents do not invite . Dear Polite One: My daughter is getting married, and my husband and I are paying for the reception . I have given her my guest list of immediate family and 4 couples that we are close to. Only 122 guests may be invited, including the wedding party. The groom’s parents send a list of 80 guests, most are not close to the couple. His mom seems to think that this is ok because they ...

    Dear Polite One, May we, the groom's family, send thank you notes to guests that attended my son's wedding reception? These are our family friends, and we are just so pleased people came from all over to help them celebrate the marriage of our son.  The bride and groom hosted the event, so I want to make sure it doesn't appear that we paid so wording is a concern.   Can you please provide some advice and if this is appropriate?   MOG Dear MOG, Actually, no.  It might appear as if it is a reminder to the guest to send a gift .  If the guest gave a gift, the couple would send a thank you note mentioning their appreciation for the guest's attendance.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to list all the parents on the wedding program? How to list divorced parents on the wedding program? How to list bride’s escorts on the wedding program?

                Dear Polite One, My eldest son just became engaged. I am so excited for him and my future daughter-in-law. What I am responsible for doing. Could you give me a hint where I start? Thank you, Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, You could call the parents of the bride to invite them over for drinks, brunch, or a dinner to get acquainted. If they live too far away, you could simply send a letter telling them how pleased you feel that their daughter will be part of the family. Usually, the parents of the bride hold an engagement party, which gifts are optional. The father toasts his daughter . Everyone joins in the congratulations. Now, if the bride has no parents, or for whatever reason she is not close to her family, you could hold the party. Besides those two suggestions, sit back, relax, and enjoy watching your son in love. Your future daughter-in-law will have to decide what she wants for her wedding and then she may a...

  Dear Polite One, I get along well with my future mother-in-law and wonder if I should invite her to accompany me dress shopping.  Dear Visitor, Although not typical, it is your choice.  You may want to ask your mother if it will bother her (if she is going with you).  Many times, though, it is just you and your bridesmaids.  The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to an engagement party in a Napa Valley vineyard? How to determine wedding formality? Is it proper to have a male as bride’s attendant?

  Dear Polite One, How do I list all seven hosts of my friend's son's bridal shower on the invitation ?    Thank you, Best Friend of the MOG Dear Best Friend of the MOG, It isn’t proper for the mother of the groom's friends to host unless all of you are his close friends.  It would appear as if the mother of the groom is hosting the party.  A huge no-no.   Since this is a gift-giving event celebrating a gift-giving event, it must be planned carefully as to not appear as a ploy to garner a second wedding gift .  So, it is best for a friend of the couple to host this.   Having said that, if all of you are close to the couple and planning a proper shower – small and intimate – all names could be listed or give your group a symbolic name and list it as host. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One Do aunts host the bridal shower? May we combine the bachelorette and bridal shower? Invite non-...

  Dear Polite One , I am the mother of a groom.  The bride's shower is out of town.  Is it required that I attend?  It's expensive to fly, so I would, of course, send a proper gift.  I'm happy to be included and don't want to offend the bride by not going.  She and her mother said they would love to have me attend, but they would understand if I could not.  We will be flying our entire family out of town for the wedding in a matter of 8 weeks.  I would also have to travel by myself since no other family members can attend. Can you offer some proper etiquette for me to follow? Thank you! Nan Dear Nan, No problem.  This is an easy one.  When from out of town, it is not necessary to attend.  A gift isn't even necessary if not attending.  Still, parents are expected to send gifts.   This isn't something I agree with, but it is still an expectation many people have these days.  So, it's probably...

  Dear Polite One, My son is getting married for the 2nd time. This is the first for his bride. As parents of the groom, what are we obligated to pay for? Does it matter that we already paid for our part of his first wedding? Barb. Dear Barb, You are not obligated to contribute anything except your congratulations.  Parents are no longer financially obligated for their children's weddings anymore.  Of course, that also means that they get no planning or inviting rights as well, even if they do contribute.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Proper Time for Cake & Punch Reception? Is This a Wedding? Proper MOG Dress  

  Dear Polite One, My son is getting married at 2 p.m. what is the appropriate dress length? Thank you, Darlene Dear Darlene, It really depends on the formality of the event.  Usually, daytime weddings are less formal than those held in the evening.  However, Catholic weddings are usually held in the afternoon and are typically formal.  So, it is best to take all this into consideration.  In your case, though, as mother of the groom, you are expected to coordinate with the bride's mother, without dressing more formally than her.  It is best to contact her directly or ask your son to find out for you.  Major taboos for mothers are wearing strapless (anything revealing) dresses , and red or very bright colors.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Proper MOG dress Wedding Etiquette Attire Interview: What are Today's Taboos? What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest?

  Hi Polite One, I am MOG and have a question about a dress option for me.  The bride likes it and the MOG likes it.  It is strapless with a grey beaded top with a full ivory skirt that falls below the knee.  I've shown it to both the bride and her mother and both like it.  The bride's dress is white.  Should I be worrying the bottom is ivory?  Thanks so much, Carolyn, USA Dear Carolyn, The problem isn't so much the color.    The issue is that it is strapless.  Mothers shouldn’t wear anything revealing, so strapless dresses are a definite no-no.  A stylish jacket could solve that issue. As MOG, you are expected to coordinate with the MOB, while dressing no more formally than her.  The beading could be a problem if the wedding is hosted during the daytime.  Beading, and anything that glitters, is reserved for evening weddings .  So, it would be best if you chose a dress that is the same formality as th...

  Who receives gifts from the bridal couple? Dear Polite One , I know the bride and groom are supposed to give gifts to their parents and wedding attendants, is anyone else on that gift list?  What about Grandparents and other family members? Gifting Dear Gifting , The only gifts that are obligatory are those to the attendants.  A parental gift is optional.  What is the proper age of a flower girl, junior bridesmaid and ring child? Dear Polite One, What's the appropriate age range between a flower girl and a Junior Bridesmaid? Girly Issues Dear Girly Issues , The flower and ring child should be between the ages of four to eight. Junior attendants should be between the ages of nine to fourteen.  Sincerely, The Polite One Is a 30-year-old too old to be a flower girl? Dear Polite One, My question may sound slightly odd but here it goes.  I’m 30 and have a friend since early childhood of the same age.  One ...