Got Wedding Etiquette?

Q & A With an Etiquette Expert As an etiquette specialist, I receive countless wedding etiquette questions.   Many of these questions concern the use of a wedding gift registry.   Even though this tool has been in place for decades now, many are still confused about how to use it.   What follows are a few of my answers to wedding gift registry questions.   Must I buy from the registry? Q : Must I buy a wedding gift from the registry?   If not, may I choose a gift I want to give?   For example, I like to buy all my soon-to-be-married friends a nice set of wine glasses.   The issue here is that my friend didn’t register for wine glasses. A : Many people do not know this, but a wedding registry is supposed to be a guideline as to what the couple wants and needs.  A wedding guest shouldn’t feel as if the items from the registry list are obligatory and the only gift choices. Guests may choose to give any gift they wish.  Consequ...

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

You’ve received the wedding invitation you’ve been waiting for has just arrived.   First thought: Yippy!   Second thought, what the hell am I supposed to wear ?   Never fear, I’m here to help you on that rocky wedding-themed road, Suggested Informal Attire Women: Daytime: Street length dress, separates, or business attire for daytime weddings Evening: Attire appropriate for a nice restaurant Men: Daytime: Dress shirt and pants, preferably add a sports jacket Evening: Suit or sport jacket paired with slacks if very informal Suggested Semi-Formal Women: Daytime: Street length dress/nice separates or suit   Evening: Cocktail dress (little black dress or its equivalent) Men: Daytime: Suit Evening: Dark suit and tie  Suggested Formal & Black-Tie Women: Daytime: Daytime appropriate cocktail dress or suit. Hats and gloves are optional. Evening or Black-Tie: Long or dressy short cocktail (beading and sequins with dressier ac...

  Answers to Common Wedding Attire Questions Q : Is it appropriate for a woman to wear black to a daytime wedding? A : Absolutely!   There was a time when wearing black to a wedding was a two-fold faux pas, as it could appear the guest thought poorly of the union and black attire symbolized mourning.   Thankfully, this is not the case today.   Black is a popular color choice.   In fact, wearing red is the only taboo color for wedding guests—unless it is a cultural norm.   Q : May I wear a formal dress with sequins for a daytime wedding? A : Unfortunately, sequins and beaded gowns are formal evening attire.   Most likely, unless this is a very formal wedding-reception-combo all-day affair, guest attire would be daytime-appropriate cocktail attire. Q : I found the perfect blue strapless gown for my best friend's wedding.   Would this be appropriate for a semi-formal evening wedding? A : If you would still like to be friends after th...

  Gift Registries, Cash Gifts, Group Gifts… Oh My! As an etiquette expert, I answer etiquette questions every day.   Many of those concern wedding etiquette, especially when it involves giving gifts.   This isn’t much of a surprise when the latest data provided by Forbes shows that the typical wedding guest spends approximately $673 just for the honor of attending.   Of course, this data includes an expensive mix of lodging and childcare.   However, attending the shower, bachelor, and bachelorette parties contributes much of this sum as well.   Follow along as I share my answers to actual wedding gift etiquette questions. Q : Must I buy the gift from the registry?   The couple registered at a higher-end department store with items such as a $300 espresso machine.   I know the bride loves her mochas, but that’s a bit pricy for me.   If I find the same machine at a discount store, can I purchase it there?   A : There is nothing...

  In the movie "You Again," Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver — as mothers of bride and groom – both wore red, off-the-shoulder dresses to the rehearsal dinner.   Yikes!   All eyes traveled to the attractive red dots floating around the room.   This, of course, isn't the best attire for mothers to wear to any wedding-related event.   But, what about wedding guests?   What is proper attire for wedding guests to wear to the wedding and how is it determined? Pay Attention to the Details The wedding invitation is our first clue to the formality of the wedding, and thus to our attire.   The heaviness of the paper, time of day, and the type of venue give us hints.   Usually, daytime weddings are less formal.   Couples use heavier paper for invitations for formal weddings.   Most often they will include the wording, "Formal" or "Black Tie" in the lower left-hand corner.    And, if the venue seems formal, the wedding usua...

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case t...

  Purchasing a wedding gift shouldn’t break the budget nor should visiting the bridal couple’s wedding registries website cause heart palpitations.  If items chosen on that dreaded list are out of your comfort zone, here are a few less expensive ideas.  Purchase Within the Budget Consider the couple’s registry as a guideline and buy what you can afford with their taste in mind.  Just remember that all gifts should be thoughtful .   Each should reflect our feelings for them.   For example, instead of purchasing the requested set of gourmet pots and pans, purchase a set of gourmet seasonings.   Still, if you shop early, you may find more affordable items on the registry, even for the honeymoon registry. Purchase gear rentals instead of one of their chosen activities. Note The rule that the gift’s value must equal what your hosts spend on your meal is illogical.  Bridal couples shouldn’t expect guests to provide their own wedd...

  Dear Polite One, We are planning an afternoon August wedding on a large cruise ship in the Caribbean and don't know what dress code to list for guests. Our preference is resort attire that is closer to cocktail attire--no jackets for men. I'm worried that if I list resort attire, some may wear beach attire.  What do you suggest? Sailing along Hello Sailing Along, "Evening Resort Casual" might work.   But you might want to add the word "cocktail" to create a picture that truly describes your wishes. Country club attire and evening resort wear are a few other names that work as well. Congratulations! Regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to a wedding in Seattle? May I change shoes to dance at the reception? What is a Californian to wear to a wedding/reception in NY?

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a Catholic wedding – mass at 10:30 followed by the wedding — in New York and reception are at a restored mansion at 5 pm.  The wedding party will be formal dressed with men in tuxes .  I have no idea what to wear since the wedding is so early and the reception is in the evening.  Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA Dear Visitor from Manhattan Beach, CA, Since the tux shouldn't be worn before 5/6 pm we are not following tradition here, so we can take a few liberties—great for we Californians . Catholic weddings tend to be more formal so your material would have to look rich.   So, the little black dress, or its equivalent, in quality material would work.  Just pick out an outfit that looks special and expensive. Please keep in mind that the ceremony is Catholic, so to be polite , your outfit will have to be conservative or have a jacket to cover your shoulders. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite O...