Got Wedding Etiquette?

Hi Polite One, We are renewing our wedding vows after 30 years of marriage in Hawaii. It will be on a small beach at sunset only with the two of us. Our attire is a black ankle-length light weight dress with Hawaiian flowers at the bottom for me and my husband has a matching Hawaiian shirt with shorts and no shoes. Is this proper ? Hamilton, Ohio Dear Visitor from Hamilton, Ohio, This is perfect. No worries. Actually, your attire is very appropriate  for a vow renewal. It isn’t supposed to appear to be a wedding. You will be dressed for a cocktail party, which is very appropriate. And, black has no negative connotations anymore. It is considered chic. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Married Aunt and Uncle want cash for Vow Renewal honeymoon! Are wishing wells and attendants proper for a vow renewal? What is a proper vow renewal gift?

Dear Polite One, It will soon be our 10-year anniversary and we would like to celebrate with a renewal of our vows since we were married in a very small civil ceremony. We would like to include our two children ages 5 and 8.  It would be a simple afternoon ceremony with a small cake and punch reception.   Afterward, we will take a cruise.   What does the ceremony consist of?   What is the proper attire? Suit?   What type of cake?   Could it be a wedding cake? How close to a wedding ceremony could it be and still appear polite ? Lucky Husband Dear Lucky Husband, Your celebration should be very nice since you are planning it as a simple anniversary party. Involving your children is very positive . Both of you should dress for the formality of the event.   You could wear a suit, but a sport coat and slacks would be better.   Your wife can dress in a daytime version of a cocktail dress that does not resemble a wedding dress. Your ch...

  Dear Polite One, My sister is renewing her vows after two years of marriage.  Since she didn't get any pictures of the first wedding – snowstorm – she feels that she can have the full wedding and reception with limo and pictures.  When asked, she states that this is only a blessing of her marriage vows. The problem is that she expects me to be one of her attendants, traveling all over for pictures and hosting parties for her.  I have a health issue that requires rest.  This is impossible for me.  Also, she is including a wishing well at the wedding site and two at the reception site.  What type of gift should I give?  I don't have extra cash to toss in the box.  Tired Sis Dear Tired Sis, This is not a gift-giving event, so you are not obligated to give her one, especially cash.   This is not a wedding, so there should be no attendants. This should be a ceremony for only her and her husband. Wishing wells are ve...

Every Wedding Anniversary is a Special Event Treat your honey to a quiet evening of just the two of you. That is the best present. Milestone Anniversary Couples Recreating Their Wedding She often wears her wedding gown.   Guests may have negative opinions if the wife wears a formal wedding gown not her own. The renewal ceremony should be a private affair and simpler than a wedding. Theme Event Exception When wife wishes to plan a themed vow renewal, she may wear a special dress.   But use good judgment.    Guests typically view this positively when the overall look of the event appears fun, and theme-based.   White dresses are appropriate.   White symbolizes joy and is not reserved for a bride. Please No Bachelor or Bachelorette Party   This celebrates the last night of freedom and as a married couple, this happened long ago.      Showers Originally, this was meant to shower a young bride with household it...

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns.   Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today.  Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest?  It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal.   Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal.  If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest.  Unfortunately, it can have th...

Am I expected to drop a cash gift in a card box at the anniversary party?   Dear Polite One My friends invited me to their 25th  wedding  anniversary.  The invitation stated that no gifts are expected and yet included that there will be a card box available.  Am I expected to give cash? Card or cash? Dear Card or Cash, Since the couple requested no gifts, they are expecting none. However, you may give a gift card to their favorite restaurant or something similar if you wish. But you are not obligated to include cash with the card.  It is unfortunate, however, that they mentioned a card box, which typically implies they expect guests to give them cash.  This is viewed as poor manners. Hopefully, they meant that the box is available, so the cards do not get lost.  We can only hope.  Sincerely, The Polite One Request for Charity Gift Dear Polite One June 10, 2006 my husband and I celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary w...