Got Wedding Etiquette?

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

You’ve received the wedding invitation you’ve been waiting for has just arrived.   First thought: Yippy!   Second thought, what the hell am I supposed to wear ?   Never fear, I’m here to help you on that rocky wedding-themed road, Suggested Informal Attire Women: Daytime: Street length dress, separates, or business attire for daytime weddings Evening: Attire appropriate for a nice restaurant Men: Daytime: Dress shirt and pants, preferably add a sports jacket Evening: Suit or sport jacket paired with slacks if very informal Suggested Semi-Formal Women: Daytime: Street length dress/nice separates or suit   Evening: Cocktail dress (little black dress or its equivalent) Men: Daytime: Suit Evening: Dark suit and tie  Suggested Formal & Black-Tie Women: Daytime: Daytime appropriate cocktail dress or suit. Hats and gloves are optional. Evening or Black-Tie: Long or dressy short cocktail (beading and sequins with dressier ac...

  Gift Registries, Cash Gifts, Group Gifts… Oh My! As an etiquette expert, I answer etiquette questions every day.   Many of those concern wedding etiquette, especially when it involves giving gifts.   This isn’t much of a surprise when the latest data provided by Forbes shows that the typical wedding guest spends approximately $673 just for the honor of attending.   Of course, this data includes an expensive mix of lodging and childcare.   However, attending the shower, bachelor, and bachelorette parties contributes much of this sum as well.   Follow along as I share my answers to actual wedding gift etiquette questions. Q : Must I buy the gift from the registry?   The couple registered at a higher-end department store with items such as a $300 espresso machine.   I know the bride loves her mochas, but that’s a bit pricy for me.   If I find the same machine at a discount store, can I purchase it there?   A : There is nothing...

  Hi Polite One, My husband and I were married for 11 years, separated for three years, and are now back together.     We would like to host a vow renewal since we were never divorced.   Would it appear proper or strange for our guests? Ours would be a simple renewal at the church with our children standing with us and family and a couple friends as guests.  Our attire would be simple, but appropriate--no wedding attire.  No attendants of course.  Maybe a candle to light with a couple flower arrangements at the church.  We would host a BBQ-type reception at our home. May we have a "wedding" cake and maybe a small thank you favor for people to take home? Blessed Dear Blessed, This is a perfect reason to host a vow renewal.  The ceremony and reception you describe sound great, especially since you aren't inviting many guests.   Your attire is fine.  The "wedding cake " might not be a good idea.  Sti...

Hi Polite One, We are renewing our wedding vows after 30 years of marriage in Hawaii. It will be on a small beach at sunset only with the two of us. Our attire is a black ankle-length light weight dress with Hawaiian flowers at the bottom for me and my husband has a matching Hawaiian shirt with shorts and no shoes. Is this proper ? Hamilton, Ohio Dear Visitor from Hamilton, Ohio, This is perfect. No worries. Actually, your attire is very appropriate  for a vow renewal. It isn’t supposed to appear to be a wedding. You will be dressed for a cocktail party, which is very appropriate. And, black has no negative connotations anymore. It is considered chic. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Married Aunt and Uncle want cash for Vow Renewal honeymoon! Are wishing wells and attendants proper for a vow renewal? What is a proper vow renewal gift?

Dear Polite One, It will soon be our 10-year anniversary and we would like to celebrate with a renewal of our vows since we were married in a very small civil ceremony. We would like to include our two children ages 5 and 8.  It would be a simple afternoon ceremony with a small cake and punch reception.   Afterward, we will take a cruise.   What does the ceremony consist of?   What is the proper attire? Suit?   What type of cake?   Could it be a wedding cake? How close to a wedding ceremony could it be and still appear polite ? Lucky Husband Dear Lucky Husband, Your celebration should be very nice since you are planning it as a simple anniversary party. Involving your children is very positive . Both of you should dress for the formality of the event.   You could wear a suit, but a sport coat and slacks would be better.   Your wife can dress in a daytime version of a cocktail dress that does not resemble a wedding dress. Your ch...

Dear Polite One, My Aunt and Uncle recently sent me an invitation to their vow renewal. Now call me sarcastic but I honestly think it is silly to do that on your fifteenth wedding anniversary, it seems to me a celebration of mediocrity.   My sarcasm led to full-on mean-spiritedness when a little card fell out of the envelope that read, "In lieu of gifts, contributions to our honeymoon would be appreciated." What planet are they from? How can this not be seen as full-on crass behavior ? They are expecting gifts but would prefer cash, to go on a honeymoon, even though they have been married for fifteen years. I am their niece, their junior by a whole generation and they want me to help pay for their honeymoon ? I think this is rude and presumptuous. I don't want to even go. Am I too harsh? Thank you, Annoyed Dear Annoyed, Thank you!!! I have countless wives informing me how horrible I am because I write that they are not brides, their husbands are not gr...

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Angry Social Media Posting Brides Commit Major Etiquette Faux Pas     Alarming as it may be to those who know better, it appears that many are unaware of the simplest of etiquette rules: Be grateful when someone gives a gift.   With these days of skyrocketing travel costs and cash-strapped wallets, this is especially true for wedding gift recipients.   After all, attending a wedding can be awfully expensive for guests. As an etiquette consultant, I feel the need to offer a manners tutorial due to a couple of recent exceptionally bizarre bridezilla stories floating around the Internet.   What are the stories? One unappreciative bride chastised a guest via text message about a gift basket filled with gourmet goodies he gave instead of cash.   The other gag-inducing story involved a financially struggling guest the bride publicly chastised via social media for giving a less than adequate cash gift.   Honestly, I'm not making this up. ...