Got Wedding Etiquette?

Are Honeymoon Registries Polite for Guests? The typical U.S. bridal couple is either previously married, living on their own or have lived with each other for years.   Because they don't need many of the typical registry items, the honeymoon registry seems a natural alternative to the traditional registry and are somewhat popular these days.   Even though this type of registry appears to be mainstream and common, is it proper to use?   How do guests view it? Tacky or useful?   Follow this etiquette expert for an answer.   A trip through history for perspective In my nearly twenty years of teaching wedding etiquette and the history of weddings, I have found very few who know why we give gifts.   Many couples believe that since they are marrying, they are owed gifts.   Not even remotely. Check out the evolution of wedding gifts.       To help dowry-deficient young brides in their new role as wives, the ancient Greek gave wedding gifts.   These were not extravagant, but us

Top Five Wedding Website Etiquette Tips Five great wedding-etiquette-planning tips on how to create a wedding website that guests will love.    Often, couples decide to create a wedding website just to post their registries on a public forum.   After all, they decide that Facebook might not be the best place to discuss their many wants.   Good call.   However, what many couples have forgotten is that the focus of their wedding shouldn't be those wants.   Thus, the focus of their wedding website shouldn't be either.   To create a site guests will want to visit and one that reflects good taste, the focus should be on love.   Make the first-page swoon worthy! When reading a book, the writer tries to hook the reader within the first paragraph.   A website is no different.   Your message should be clear and appealing.   In fact, this page is all about you two.   Many of the cleverest sites tend to post something intriguing or eye-catching as the first thing visitors will se

Cellphones, Cameras, and Tweets Oh My! Imagine a young bride graciously ambling down the aisle in her formal flowing gown.   Her eyes, moistened by the tears of joy this day brings, glances over to your seated loved ones to find some texting instead of returning her nervous smile.   Worse yet, the expensive, yet professional, photographer can't get any clear photos of her walk due to the many cellphones and cameras in his or her way.   It may be time to call in the electronic terminator!   I may not be a terminator, but as an etiquette consultant with decades of experience, I’ve found a few methods that can help keep those annoying ringtones quelled for your big day.   Damn the electronics, full steam ahead! It seems a bit ironic that to create a cellphone-free wedding, one must have open communication with guests.   In any case, open communication, whatever the mode, is the essential key.   So, email, call, chat over coffee, pull out a bullhorn…whatever it takes to ens

Perfect Vow Renewal! A Note on Vow Renewal Etiquette I receive many questions regarding vow renewal etiquette. It seems to be an unfortunate trend for many young couples to marry in a small ceremony and to plan a 'wedding' for later in the same year. Please do not. If you marry, you are married. It doesn't matter if you eloped or had the huge wedding you always wanted. To host two ceremonies, each designed to marry you is considered in extremely poor taste and completely illogical. One of the biggest reasons this is viewed negatively is that a wedding is a gift-giving event, while the vow renewal is not. So, planning a vow renewal as if it is a wedding creates the atmosphere of a gift-giving event. This should be planned with ultimate care. A very few have said that it is heartless of me to point this out.  　 One such visitor said that I should be more considerate of other's feelings and not be so down on their plans to have a second wedding. Those of you who ha

  Who receives gifts from the bridal couple? Dear Polite One , I know the bride and groom are supposed to give gifts to their parents and wedding attendants, is anyone else on that gift list?  What about Grandparents and other family members? Gifting Dear Gifting , The only gifts that are obligatory are those to the attendants.  A parental gift is optional.  What is the proper age of a flower girl, junior bridesmaid and ring child? Dear Polite One, What's the appropriate age range between a flower girl and a Junior Bridesmaid? Girly Issues Dear Girly Issues , The flower and ring child should be between the ages of four to eight. Junior attendants should be between the ages of nine to fourteen.  Sincerely, The Polite One Is a 30-year-old too old to be a flower girl? Dear Polite One, My question may sound slightly odd but here it goes.  I’m 30 and have a friend since early childhood of the same age.  One of my most cherished memories is sitting arou

  Before deciding on a destination wedding, consider that many may not be able to travel due to finances or health issues.  Because of this, some beloved family members may feel excluded and a bit miffed that the couple would even consider marrying in an exotic location far from home.  So, it is best to consider all involved, look for group rates and suggest hotels for a wide range of budgets.   Recognize that this may be a much smaller event. Be honest and keep open communication between you and your family during the planning process to avoid hurt feelings.   Please try to consider others' positions and don't take it personally when they decline the invitation. Notify guests of welcome party? Dear Polite One,  We are planning a destination wedding, the save-the-date cards are mailed, and the invitations will be mailed two months before the wedding.  I am planning a welcome party for my guests on the beach the evening before the wedding, but don't know how I info

What to Wear? Since including dress code information on wedding invitations is restricted to formal affairs, guests are often left wondering what to wear.  　 This is where using clues available to us is key.  　 A formal invitation typically implies a formal wedding, as does the time of day.   For example, evening weddings are usually more formal, except Catholic weddings, which are held mid-day and are formal.  　　 If the venue or location appears to be formal, the wedding may be as well, with outdoor weddings tending to be less formal. That said, bridal couples often mix formality elements into a cocktail of confusion: formal attire, informal setting with a barbecue reception.  　 So, we may not know exactly what the correct attire preference is until we arrive.  　 In these cases, we can only hope all eyes are on the bride. Cheers! May I wear velvet in Late February? Dear Polite One, I love velvet and wonder if I can wear it to an evening wedding/reception in late Fe

  Wedding planning can seem like a complicated dance.   If we move too quickly without knowing the steps, we just may step on our partner’s toes.   There are many steps to learn in this dance.   So, get your dancing shoes on and I’ll help guide you through some of the more difficult steps.    Dear Polite One, My daughter is planning a destination wedding.  Our family will be extending our stay one week as a vacation. Will I need to pay for the groom, or should the groom's parents pay for his travel, hotel stay, and vacation package.  Pay or No? Dear Pay or No? Parents are no longer financially obligated for their children’s weddings.  Children are more self-sufficient than in the past.  Consequently, the bride and groom are responsible for their wedding and travel-related costs.  Anything you choose to give them is a gift.  After all, if they are grown up enough to marry, shouldn’t they be able to pay for it?   Sincerely, The Polite One Dear Polite One, We are g