Got Wedding Etiquette?

Your Bridesmaids Will Love These! Most people think of summer as baseball, picnic, or barbecue season.   However, for an etiquette consultant, it can mean only one thing—Wedding Season!   As the weather warms, I’m elbow deep in wedding questions, many of those from frantic brides wondering what to do about their bridesmaids’ gifts.   Consequently, I’ve come up with a few perfect choices, which I’m sharing with you today.   Ready, set…gift! Oh!   I forgot to mention the wedding challenge.   There is a quiz question buried in this ditty.   Let’s see if you can find it and know the answer. Traditional gifts trump all! The traditional bridesmaid’s gift is jewelry, more specifically a necklace.   A necklace is a perfect, and more to the point, logical choice.   After all, the bride can control the overall appearance of her wedding if she also chooses her maid’s jewelry.   Speaking of “maids”, who were the first bridesmaids and why...

  As an etiquette consultant, I’ve answered wedding etiquette questions for over 20 years.   Interestingly, very few brides know what to do about their flower girls.   They don’t know how to dress them, how to include them in pre-wedding events, and what gift to give them.   Luckily, I have all the answers.   More than that, I have also included a wedding challenge quiz question buried somewhere in this article.   See if you can answer it correctly. How should I dress my flower girl? Dress your flower girl in age-appropriate attire similarly in style with other bridesmaids.   Since the proper age for a flower girl is between the ages of four and eight, safety and maneuverability are important as well.   Little ones could trip over a long skirt.   Consider that she may hit a growth spurt so it’s best to choose a dress that can be ordered near to the wedding date.   Her shoes should be flats and look like those worn by the bri...

Dear Polite One, My sister is getting married, and I am the Matron of Honor.  She and her boyfriend have been living together for about two years and have pretty much everything they really need.  I want to give her a shower or some sort of get-together, but I really don't know what.  My mother seems to think I should give her a Pantry Shower , but I disagree since she has everything for her kitchen already.  Please help me with this!! Sis Dear Sis, Many are now turning to the 'giftless' shower, where everyone gathers as if it is a traditional shower, but no gifts are exchanged.  The modern woman really doesn't need the extra help setting up her household, plus she will be receiving wedding gifts.  So, this is becoming quite a nice trend.  Instead of the bride being showered with gifts, she is showered with love and good wishes.  It is very sweet. Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding & R...

  To say that weddings have become more than just uniting two people is an understatement.  Weddings are big business these days.  Because of this, the simple ceremony where two people and their families gather to join in marriage has become this mammoth event with a life of its own.   So, many times and for many people, weddings have become a colossal headache, with unrealistic expectations, debt, and hurt feelings all around.  And, for what? To have the "perfect" wedding (whatever that is), to pretend to be a princess for a day, or to just please mothers who want to be that perfect little princess vicariously through their daughters?  It can be exhausting.  And how do guests and attendants feel about the current wedding climate?  How do they feel about the endless wedding-related events, gifts, and expectations?  What are their gripes and feelings about the all-important day to play dress-up, better known as the wedding? ...

Dear Polite One, The mother of the bride informed the bridal party to give the bride the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" gifts for her shower. Isn't that for the wedding, not the shower? Her attendants already spent a considerable amount on the shower and her gifts. I don't think it fair that they should be forced to give more.   Frustrated Dear Frustrated, This is a great example of why mothers should not be involved in the bridal shower.   It is natural to try to garner more gifts for her daughter . Please try to help her understand this.   Additionally, the "something old, borrowed, blue" gifts are typically given by the mother before the wedding. The Polite One More by The Polite One Is non-attending bridesmaid financially responsible for the bridal shower? When to host the bridal shower? Gift for out of state shower?

  Dear Polite One,           My daughter wants to have her very good friend as a bridesmaid but doesn't know the groom well. He is a wonderful person and has agreed. We don't have a problem with it but wonder how he will be a bridesmaid. How does he walk back down the aisle, with a groomsman or by himself? There are six bridesmaids and groomsmen each including him. MOB Dear MOB, This is very common for weddings these days.  He would be a bride's attendant, not a bridesmaid.  He would dress as one of the groomsmen with his corsage in the same color as the bridesmaid's bouquets.  He would walk with the bridesmaids and stand with them.  He can walk with a groomsman or no.  He just wouldn't walk arm-in-arm with him.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Which is the bride’s side of the church? What to wear to an engagement party in a Napa Valley vineyard? How to determine...

  Dear Polite One, The bride asked a few friends to plan her Vegas bachelorette party, for which we will pay our travel and lodging costs, for the bride’s spa, and all entertainment costs (clubs, drinks, food).  Do we also pay for her travel and lodging costs? Empty wallets Dear Empty Wallets, She shouldn't have requested this.  It's not polite or good manners .  She just doesn’t pay for the night of the party.  So, she can pick up the tab for her travel and lodging expenses.   Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One How to Plan a Perfect Bachelorette and Bachelor Party Excluded from the Engagement Party May we host an engagement party?

  Why host your wedding in a county courthouse when you could be taking those nuptials to Hawaii or some other tropical location?   Sounds great, doesn’t it?   Yes, it is.   Still, due to the costs involved, you just may be the only two enjoying those nuptials.   Fold in those traditional wedding elements that might irritate guests already cash-strapped due to those costs...well, you might lose relationships as well.   What to do?   How to plan your destination wedding with guests in mind?   I’ve got you covered! Save The Date Even though save-the-date cards are optional, it is best to notify your guests well ahead of the wedding date (perhaps a year).   Many, if not most, must take vacation time and this may require a year's notice.   Please Note Include a travel agent or venue contact information.   All who receive save the date cards also receive invitations. Use the preferred gift shipment address for your RSVP add...

  Not that it happens often, but sometimes couples realize their next move isn’t wedded bliss—not to each other, that is.   Unfortunately, this sudden realization can happen close to the wedding date.   Yikes!   If this decision only affected the couple, most would simply console the couple and encourage both to move on.   That’s not the reality in many cases.   Most often, a wedding affects many family members and friends.   Some of the affected are cash-strapped, previously attached at the hip, bridal attendants.   The unfortunate truth is these tireless cheerleaders of the bridal couple are often stuck with insanely ugly attire and travel fees for a wedding that suddenly disappeared like that sock that went into the dryer but vanished during the last dry cycle.   What to do??   Let’s find out. Dear Polite One, I thought the bride and I were closer, but I'm very disappointed in her behavior.   She and her fiancé br...

  Before deciding on a destination wedding, consider that many may not be able to travel due to finances or health issues.  Because of this, some beloved family members may feel excluded and a bit miffed that the couple would even consider marrying in an exotic location far from home.  So, it is best to consider all involved, look for group rates and suggest hotels for a wide range of budgets.   Recognize that this may be a much smaller event. Be honest and keep open communication between you and your family during the planning process to avoid hurt feelings.   Please try to consider others' positions and don't take it personally when they decline the invitation. Notify guests of welcome party? Dear Polite One,  We are planning a destination wedding, the save-the-date cards are mailed, and the invitations will be mailed two months before the wedding.  I am planning a welcome party for my guests on the beach the evening bef...