Got Wedding Etiquette?

Steps are Parents Too In our culture, we often tend to disrespect and hold stepparents in disdain, especially the stepmother.   Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise when we consider fairytale favorites like Cinderella and Snow White.   Both stepmothers were truly evil; we detest them easily.   But with encore weddings outpacing first-timers, stepmothers become growingly common.   It seems that we should begin to welcome all who enter our families as real family members, not mere interlopers.   At no time is the disdainful treatment of stepmothers more apparent than during the wedding planning process and at the wedding itself.   Stepmothers, even those who have been members of the family for years, are usually expected to show up for the wedding dressed as one of the guests—not one of the mothers—sit quietly in the third row with her husband and disappear into the background during the reception.   This can be completely understandable in those inst...

  As silly as it must sound to some, many mothers dream of sharing wedding planning with their daughters.   There’s just something about spending that precious time with a daughter that is incomparable to any of our previous experiences.   We want, and at times, need to feel needed and important in her life.   Many of us may feel as if this is our last chance to feel like this.   So naturally, if we are excluded from the wedding planning—by anyone other than the bridal couple—we could feel depressed, anxious, or even angry.   If we are replaced by someone else?   Well...that’s even more maddening.     Dear Polite One, As mother of the bride, I assumed I would be involved in planning my daughter's wedding.   But no.   Since my husband's new wife is wealthy, she has taken it upon herself to buy everything, and has planned everything.   I didn't know until recently about any of it.   I'm not even listed first o...

Playing Musical Chairs With Parents Dear Polite One,   On the day of the wedding when it becomes time to seat the parents of the bride and groom, who sits first and last especially when dealing with stepparents? Me First Dear Me First , We have more parental issues to deal with these days than we did in the past.    In fact, more weddings are encore wedding than first, which reflects this trend.  So, to keep everyone happy and separate, we seat parents in this order:  Groom’s father and stepmother (third row); Bride’s father and stepmother (third row); Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row); Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row).   If everyone is on friendly terms, all parents may sit in the front row in the given order.  The stepparents follow the person escorting parents to their seats.   Sincerely, The Polite One Seating Chart Dilemma Dear Polite One,   I'm working ...