Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case t...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Dear Polite One, I am planning a small wedding and reception with 40 guests, consisting of family and close friends, with my stepfather walking me down the aisle. This is the second marriage for both of us.  My question is how can I include my natural father in the ceremony or reception? Daddy’s Girl Dear Daddy’s Girl, Both fathers could escort you down the aisle or they could share this honor.  One could walk you halfway and the other could walk you the rest.  One could escort you down the aisle and the other could dance the father/daughter dance with you.  Your biological father could be announced at your reception , or you could ask him to give a speech.  Or you could create a new element.  This is something people are doing more and more these days…creating new ‘tasteful’ elements that reflect their sensibilities.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding Favors Tips Money-Saving Tips fo...

  Dear Polite One, My significant other is the father of the bride.  The bride and most of his family live in New York and we live in California.  He has been staying near his daughter for a few months now on business.  I understand that weddings are more formal in there than here in most of California .  Any ideas of what to wear to a daytime formal wedding in a church?  He will be wearing a stroller. Casual in CA Dear Casual in CA, The positive here is that you don't have to worry too much. Your significant other is going to have more on his mind than your dress. Father of the bride? Now, that is pressure.  Having said that, his family will notice.  So, it is vital that your attire be respectful and conservative. Also, it may be best to ask your significant other to ask the mother of the bride what she is wearing so you dress less formally than her.  Let him know that you don't consider yourself one of the mothers, but just w...

Dear Polite One, For my wedding program, how should I list my parents (bride) who are divorced and my father has remarried? Multiple parents Dear Multiple Parents, List your mother first as mother of the bride.  If she has an escort, list his/her name next to hers as her escort.  Your father is listed under the mother as the father of the bride with his wife’s name listed next to his as his wife such as: Father of the bride: Mr. Frank Jones accompanied by his wife Mrs. Jane Jones.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Newspaper announcement for encore bride? Registry Info in Announcements for Our Small Wedding in Brussels? How to list all the parents on the wedding program?

Dear Polite One, How do I list the groom's divorced parents and a remarried mother on the wedding program?  The template is a bell, so we are centered at the top followed by the date (centered).  Then I have centered the word "Parents", and on the left side I have my parents then on the right side I have the groom's parents. Example                                    Parents Mr. & Mrs. Brides Parents            Mr. & Mrs. Mother of the groom & husband                                          Mr. Father of the groo...

  Hello Polite One , I have a question regarding wording for a wedding invitation. My parents are hosting my wedding. However, my father recently passed away. We would like to include him as a host on the invitation. Do you have any suggestions on the proper way to do this? Thank you for your time. Hello Visitor, Please accept my sincerest sympathy .   Unfortunately, he couldn't be listed with your mother. But he could be listed under your name as: also, the daughter of the late Father’s Name.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address the envelope to two doctors? Listing all parents and one is a judge? Informing guests that they pay for their meals?

  Hi Polite One, I'm a traditional mother of the bride and expect to pay for my daughter's wedding, as I hoped that she and I would plan it together.  The groom and his family see it differently.  They don't have a problem with me paying but want to choose and taste the cake with us.  They want to be in the mix throughout the entire planning process.  Do they have that right? Traditional Mom Dear Traditional Mom, Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's wedding, so it is your choice if you want to contribute and how much. If you do contribute, however, it is considered a gift that doesn’t automatically give you planning rights.  The couple should allow you to have a voice though, out of common courtesy.   The couple is responsible for choosing their cake and whether the groom and his family accompany them, is the couple's choice.  Personally, I feel that since you chose to pay for most of this, there sh...

  Dear Polite One, I'm the father of the bride and my daughter's fiancé just canceled the wedding a week before it was to take place.  I'm out thousands of dollars and was wondering what the groom’s family would be obligated to help with.  Thanks in advance! Thank you, Dad Dear Dad, Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  So, the groom’s parents are not responsible for anything.  It was your daughter and her groom’s expense, so they are responsible.  But there are no formal ‘rules’ concerning this.   If there is a next time, please remember that children should pay for their own weddings.  They are quite capable.   Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One Should I invite the groom’s mother dress shopping? May I invite guests only to the wedding? Which is the bride’s side of the church?

  Dear Polite One, I get along well with my future mother-in-law and wonder if I should invite her to accompany me dress shopping.  Dear Visitor, Although not typical, it is your choice.  You may want to ask your mother if it will bother her (if she is going with you).  Many times, though, it is just you and your bridesmaids.  The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to an engagement party in a Napa Valley vineyard? How to determine wedding formality? Is it proper to have a male as bride’s attendant?

  Dear Polite One, My son is getting married at 2 p.m. what is the appropriate dress length? Thank you, Darlene Dear Darlene, It really depends on the formality of the event.  Usually, daytime weddings are less formal than those held in the evening.  However, Catholic weddings are usually held in the afternoon and are typically formal.  So, it is best to take all this into consideration.  In your case, though, as mother of the groom, you are expected to coordinate with the bride's mother, without dressing more formally than her.  It is best to contact her directly or ask your son to find out for you.  Major taboos for mothers are wearing strapless (anything revealing) dresses , and red or very bright colors.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Proper MOG dress Wedding Etiquette Attire Interview: What are Today's Taboos? What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest?

Dear Polite One, I was reading your online article , "Consider All Parents When Planning Your Wedding" and hope you can give me some advice concerning my destination wedding in Australia. Since many of our guests live in the U.S., they won't be able to attend.   So we want to have a party in the U.S. in addition to the Australian reception. Is it appropriate and if it is, should it be held before or after the wedding? Thank You, Sincerely, Puzzled Dear Puzzled, Quite often the destination wedding couple will host a reception for friends and family at their home after the wedding.  This can be as elaborate as you wish, and if held soon after you return home you may wear your gown.  It can be held in multiple locations for the convenience of your guests and at any time you wish.  Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One No gifts for our destination wedding. Do we cover our destination wedding guests’ cost? When to sc...

  Dear Polite One, My sister is engaged to a man with whom she has been living for five years in Australia; we are from Canada. They expect our parents to host an engagement party here in Canada followed by two weddings – one here and one in Australia – as a gift to them. Of course, she expects my parents to attend.   In today’s society, for my mother's sake, what is expected of my parents financially? Heeeelp Dear Heeeelp, The days of the bride's parents footing the bill are gone, even though some still do.   The reason for this is that women no longer live in their dad's home, uneducated and jobless, until the day she is handed off to her husband who takes care of her. Well, at least here. So, why would it be necessary for her family to pay for her wedding when she can easily do this for herself?   Whatever your parents choose to do is a gift. Additionally, to host two weddings is one wedding too many.  She needs to decide where to marry and wed ...

Steps are Parents Too In our culture, we often tend to disrespect and hold stepparents in disdain, especially the stepmother.   Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise when we consider fairytale favorites like Cinderella and Snow White.   Both stepmothers were truly evil; we detest them easily.   But with encore weddings outpacing first-timers, stepmothers become growingly common.   It seems that we should begin to welcome all who enter our families as real family members, not mere interlopers.   At no time is the disdainful treatment of stepmothers more apparent than during the wedding planning process and at the wedding itself.   Stepmothers, even those who have been members of the family for years, are usually expected to show up for the wedding dressed as one of the guests—not one of the mothers—sit quietly in the third row with her husband and disappear into the background during the reception.   This can be completely understandable in those inst...

  Dear Polite One,  What do the bride’s parents pay for in their daughter’s wedding? Cash Strapped Parents Dear Cash Strapped Parents, Nothing.  Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  If they want to get married, they should be able to finance it themselves.  Young people these days have more choices and often make more money than their parents.  Whatever you wish to contribute to is your choice and a gift.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Menacing Sisters Refuse Bride’s Chosen Colors Bitchy Bride Refuses to Invite Mom’s Boyfriend or His Family Skip Traditional Seating of the Mothers?