Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case t...

Your Bridesmaids Will Love These! Most people think of summer as baseball, picnic, or barbecue season.   However, for an etiquette consultant, it can mean only one thing—Wedding Season!   As the weather warms, I’m elbow deep in wedding questions, many of those from frantic brides wondering what to do about their bridesmaids’ gifts.   Consequently, I’ve come up with a few perfect choices, which I’m sharing with you today.   Ready, set…gift! Oh!   I forgot to mention the wedding challenge.   There is a quiz question buried in this ditty.   Let’s see if you can find it and know the answer. Traditional gifts trump all! The traditional bridesmaid’s gift is jewelry, more specifically a necklace.   A necklace is a perfect, and more to the point, logical choice.   After all, the bride can control the overall appearance of her wedding if she also chooses her maid’s jewelry.   Speaking of “maids”, who were the first bridesmaids and why...

  As an etiquette consultant, I’ve answered wedding etiquette questions for over 20 years.   Interestingly, very few brides know what to do about their flower girls.   They don’t know how to dress them, how to include them in pre-wedding events, and what gift to give them.   Luckily, I have all the answers.   More than that, I have also included a wedding challenge quiz question buried somewhere in this article.   See if you can answer it correctly. How should I dress my flower girl? Dress your flower girl in age-appropriate attire similarly in style with other bridesmaids.   Since the proper age for a flower girl is between the ages of four and eight, safety and maneuverability are important as well.   Little ones could trip over a long skirt.   Consider that she may hit a growth spurt so it’s best to choose a dress that can be ordered near to the wedding date.   Her shoes should be flats and look like those worn by the bri...

  Dear Polite One, I am planning a small wedding and reception with 40 guests, consisting of family and close friends, with my stepfather walking me down the aisle. This is the second marriage for both of us.  My question is how can I include my natural father in the ceremony or reception? Daddy’s Girl Dear Daddy’s Girl, Both fathers could escort you down the aisle or they could share this honor.  One could walk you halfway and the other could walk you the rest.  One could escort you down the aisle and the other could dance the father/daughter dance with you.  Your biological father could be announced at your reception , or you could ask him to give a speech.  Or you could create a new element.  This is something people are doing more and more these days…creating new ‘tasteful’ elements that reflect their sensibilities.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding Favors Tips Money-Saving Tips fo...

  Not far in our collective past, the bride’s parents were financially responsible for their daughter’s wedding.   This also gave them the opportunity to use this as a social event inviting their friends and business associates.   The groom’s family received roughly half of the list and they did the same.   Times have changed.   Our children are better educated, and many times have higher incomes than we.   Most often they can pay for their own weddings.   In a nutshell, parents are no longer financially responsible.   This also means that parents do not invite . Dear Polite One: My daughter is getting married, and my husband and I are paying for the reception . I have given her my guest list of immediate family and 4 couples that we are close to. Only 122 guests may be invited, including the wedding party. The groom’s parents send a list of 80 guests, most are not close to the couple. His mom seems to think that this is ok because they ...

Dear Polite One, My sister is getting married, and I am the Matron of Honor.  She and her boyfriend have been living together for about two years and have pretty much everything they really need.  I want to give her a shower or some sort of get-together, but I really don't know what.  My mother seems to think I should give her a Pantry Shower , but I disagree since she has everything for her kitchen already.  Please help me with this!! Sis Dear Sis, Many are now turning to the 'giftless' shower, where everyone gathers as if it is a traditional shower, but no gifts are exchanged.  The modern woman really doesn't need the extra help setting up her household, plus she will be receiving wedding gifts.  So, this is becoming quite a nice trend.  Instead of the bride being showered with gifts, she is showered with love and good wishes.  It is very sweet. Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding & R...

Consider These Ideas Consider a used or rented wedding gown. Please avoid cringing. The dress is only worn once and then placed in a box, which will probably never be opened again. So, picture yourself in an expensive designer gown you didn't think you could ever afford. And the best part is that it is a fraction of the price of one that is new. Plus, you would be "doing the right thing" by being less wasteful. That is a great way to begin this next stage of your life. Used Gowns Preowned Wedding Dresses Used Wedding Dresses Rental Gowns Rent The Runway Search online. More options appear often. Be kind and use rental dresses for your maids as well Please leave your ideas in the comment section to share with others! More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding & Reception Tips Money-Saving Officiate Tips Money-Saving Cake Alternatives 

Dear Polite One, My sister is hosting a bridesmaid brunch the day of my rehearsal. Do I need to get her a thank you gift? I've planned to give a corsage to my greeters. Is this their gift?  Do I give gifts to all the parents or just the ones contributing?  Nov. Bride Hello Nov. Bride, Many couples are paying for their own weddings these days, so giving those who contribute a gift is a great idea.  Perhaps a gift basket or a gift certificate to a nice restaurant would be a good gift for those who didn't contribute cash. A gift for your sister isn't necessary, but flowers and a thank you note is typical. Your greeters don't require gifts. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dissed my gift; wanted cash! Gift for out of state shower? Do I give a wedding gift if I’ve already given a shower gift?

Dear Polite One, The mother of the bride informed the bridal party to give the bride the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" gifts for her shower. Isn't that for the wedding, not the shower? Her attendants already spent a considerable amount on the shower and her gifts. I don't think it fair that they should be forced to give more.   Frustrated Dear Frustrated, This is a great example of why mothers should not be involved in the bridal shower.   It is natural to try to garner more gifts for her daughter . Please try to help her understand this.   Additionally, the "something old, borrowed, blue" gifts are typically given by the mother before the wedding. The Polite One More by The Polite One Is non-attending bridesmaid financially responsible for the bridal shower? When to host the bridal shower? Gift for out of state shower?

  Hi Polite One, I'm a traditional mother of the bride and expect to pay for my daughter's wedding, as I hoped that she and I would plan it together.  The groom and his family see it differently.  They don't have a problem with me paying but want to choose and taste the cake with us.  They want to be in the mix throughout the entire planning process.  Do they have that right? Traditional Mom Dear Traditional Mom, Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's wedding, so it is your choice if you want to contribute and how much. If you do contribute, however, it is considered a gift that doesn’t automatically give you planning rights.  The couple should allow you to have a voice though, out of common courtesy.   The couple is responsible for choosing their cake and whether the groom and his family accompany them, is the couple's choice.  Personally, I feel that since you chose to pay for most of this, there sh...

  Dear Polite One, I get along well with my future mother-in-law and wonder if I should invite her to accompany me dress shopping.  Dear Visitor, Although not typical, it is your choice.  You may want to ask your mother if it will bother her (if she is going with you).  Many times, though, it is just you and your bridesmaids.  The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to an engagement party in a Napa Valley vineyard? How to determine wedding formality? Is it proper to have a male as bride’s attendant?

  Dear Polite One,           My daughter wants to have her very good friend as a bridesmaid but doesn't know the groom well. He is a wonderful person and has agreed. We don't have a problem with it but wonder how he will be a bridesmaid. How does he walk back down the aisle, with a groomsman or by himself? There are six bridesmaids and groomsmen each including him. MOB Dear MOB, This is very common for weddings these days.  He would be a bride's attendant, not a bridesmaid.  He would dress as one of the groomsmen with his corsage in the same color as the bridesmaid's bouquets.  He would walk with the bridesmaids and stand with them.  He can walk with a groomsman or no.  He just wouldn't walk arm-in-arm with him.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Which is the bride’s side of the church? What to wear to an engagement party in a Napa Valley vineyard? How to determine...

Dear Polite One, We are attendants hosting a shower for the bride.  One has said that she cannot attend but has shared the cost of a gift .  Is she still responsible to pay for the shower as well? Broke bridesmaid Dear Broke Bridesmaid, If she agreed to the costs and planning, then she is responsible for her share.  But, if she did not agree to the entire costs, she is not. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One When to host the bridal shower? MOG’s friends hosting the bridal shower.  How to list this on the invitation? Mom wants to sell tickets and isn’t paying for meals!

  Dear Polite One , When should be the shower be hosted ? Shower Host Dear Shower Host, Typically, the shower is scheduled about two months before the wedding.  Send invitations at least three weeks before the shower.    Please read about the etiquette involved with hosting a shower.  If this isn’t planned properly, it may be viewed very negatively. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One MOG’s friends hosting the bridal shower.  How to list this on the invitation? Mom wants to sell tickets and isn’t paying for meals! Do aunts host the bridal shower?

  Dear Polite One: Would it be appropriate for us to host the bridal shower and bachelorette party on the same day?  Should we charge the attendees to ride in the limo? Thank you, MOH Dear MOH, Although not incorrect to host both on the same day, combining them is awkward and not fair for the guests.  The shower is a gift-giving event (if not gift-less), so these guests don't pay for anything besides the gifts.   Alternately, the bachelorette party is not a gift-giving event for which the guests treat the bride.  Thus, guests must know all costs upfront.  When a limo is involved, guests may opt to share the cost, but should not be coerced into paying.  So, as you see, combining these two events would be difficult.  All shower guests would also have to be bachelorette guests. The bride should never be involved in the planning of either party and may not ask for it—it’s not polite .  These are ...

  Dear Polite One, My son is getting married at 2 p.m. what is the appropriate dress length? Thank you, Darlene Dear Darlene, It really depends on the formality of the event.  Usually, daytime weddings are less formal than those held in the evening.  However, Catholic weddings are usually held in the afternoon and are typically formal.  So, it is best to take all this into consideration.  In your case, though, as mother of the groom, you are expected to coordinate with the bride's mother, without dressing more formally than her.  It is best to contact her directly or ask your son to find out for you.  Major taboos for mothers are wearing strapless (anything revealing) dresses , and red or very bright colors.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Proper MOG dress Wedding Etiquette Attire Interview: What are Today's Taboos? What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest?