Got Wedding Etiquette?

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding?   In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding.   Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.   Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception? As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario.   A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations , which appear rather informal.   Yet , the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.     While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag.   The invitation is informal indicating informal attire.   A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening cou...

It seems that we all have strong feelings about what a wedding should be.   Many feel that it is the most important day of a couple’s life.   Well, it may be the most important day, so far, in a couple’s life.   But it is just another day for everyone else.   Because this is true, we must plan carefully not only focusing on our wedding but also focusing attention on our guests.   After all, we are hosts to our guests. Please Note Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.   This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for parents.   How to Invite Guests to a Wedding in Vegas With No Reception? Dear Polite One, We will be getting married in Las Vegas and want to send out invitations to a select small group of people, as they have indicated that they would like to come.  This is only for a wedding (no reception).   How do you word this sort of invitation ?  Keep in mind t...

  Dear Polite One, My daughter is getting married.  My wife is sending out the invitations for our guests and is including a co-worker.  This married co-worker informed my wife before she received the invitation that her incapacitated husband would not be attending so she is inviting her nephew so that they could drink together.  First, the wedding is very costly.  Second, I told my wife that this response is totally unacceptable and that proper etiquette is to not invite anyone else in her husband’s place.  Do you agree?  Containing My Anger Dear Containing My Anger, The first breach was to invite the coworker.  This isn’t your wife’s wedding even if you are paying for it.  Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for the parents.  They don’t invite.  So, this was the first mistake.  If your daughter gave yo...

  Not far in our collective past, the bride’s parents were financially responsible for their daughter’s wedding.   This also gave them the opportunity to use this as a social event inviting their friends and business associates.   The groom’s family received roughly half of the list and they did the same.   Times have changed.   Our children are better educated, and many times have higher incomes than we.   Most often they can pay for their own weddings.   In a nutshell, parents are no longer financially responsible.   This also means that parents do not invite . Dear Polite One: My daughter is getting married, and my husband and I are paying for the reception . I have given her my guest list of immediate family and 4 couples that we are close to. Only 122 guests may be invited, including the wedding party. The groom’s parents send a list of 80 guests, most are not close to the couple. His mom seems to think that this is ok because they ...

Dear Polite One, We both have horrible handwriting.  I typed my thank you notes for our wedding shower, but I just read in one of your answers that this could be considered rude. Each note that I type is individually done per person and gift, they're not copied or pasted from one to another, even when people go in on the gift.  Is this wrong?   Thank You! Needs a Scribe Dear Needs a Scribe, I’m sorry, but yes, it is impolite.  It is considered the same as a mass mailing if it is typed.  But don’t beat yourself up too much.  It is better to have sent them than not to.  I rarely receive one.   I can certainly understand the handwriting issue as I have the same problem. Still, it is better just to take your time and write the best you can.  I find it helpful to always write a rough draft of all my letters.   You will definitely want to handwrite all of your wedding gift thank-you notes as soon as you receive them. ...

    Dear Polite One, May we, the groom's family, send thank you notes to guests that attended my son's wedding reception? These are our family friends, and we are just so pleased people came from all over to help them celebrate the marriage of our son.  The bride and groom hosted the event, so I want to make sure it doesn't appear that we paid so wording is a concern.   Can you please provide some advice and if this is appropriate?   MOG Dear MOG, Actually, no.  It might appear as if it is a reminder to the guest to send a gift .  If the guest gave a gift, the couple would send a thank you note mentioning their appreciation for the guest's attendance.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to list all the parents on the wedding program? How to list divorced parents on the wedding program? How to list bride’s escorts on the wedding program?

Dear Polite One, For my wedding program, how should I list my parents (bride) who are divorced and my father has remarried? Multiple parents Dear Multiple Parents, List your mother first as mother of the bride.  If she has an escort, list his/her name next to hers as her escort.  Your father is listed under the mother as the father of the bride with his wife’s name listed next to his as his wife such as: Father of the bride: Mr. Frank Jones accompanied by his wife Mrs. Jane Jones.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Newspaper announcement for encore bride? Registry Info in Announcements for Our Small Wedding in Brussels? How to list all the parents on the wedding program?

Dear Polite One, How do I list the groom's divorced parents and a remarried mother on the wedding program?  The template is a bell, so we are centered at the top followed by the date (centered).  Then I have centered the word "Parents", and on the left side I have my parents then on the right side I have the groom's parents. Example                                    Parents Mr. & Mrs. Brides Parents            Mr. & Mrs. Mother of the groom & husband                                          Mr. Father of the groo...

Wedding Programs A wedding program is basically a document to inform guests of what is to come and who are the principal players.    Dear Polite One, My mother and a male friend will escort me down the aisle. How should I list him on the program? Escorted Dear Escorted, You could list it this way: Escorting the bride: Mrs. Joan Doe, mother of the bride Mr. John Smith, friend of the bride You may also walk alone without an escort. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Formal replies? What is inner envelope etiquette? Rehearsal dinner invitations?

  Dear Polite One, What is the correct wording when responding to an evening wedding invitation? Thank you, Formally Replying Dear Formally Replying, Suggestion First and Last Name (or Mr. and Mrs. XXX)       accepts with pleasure your kind invitation   for day, the date Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Rehearsal dinner invitations? How to address an envelope to those not married? Wording for canceled and rescheduled wedding?

  Dear Polite One, What is the protocol for the inner envelope?   Dear Visitor, It should look like this: The outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe. The inside envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe Children listed by age Sometimes family names can be listed, such as Uncle Steve and Aunt Jean.  But, if using the formal tradition, it would be Mr. and Mrs. Doe. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Informing guests that they pay for their meals? Newspaper announcement for encore bride? Registry Info in Announcements for Our Small Wedding in Brussels?

Dear Polite One, Our invitations do not have an inner envelope .  How do we address the outer envelope to a family where everyone is invited and for those with an "and guest"?   Inviting Hello Inviting, Unfortunately, you would have to use the ‘and family’ and ‘and guest’ form.  But please do not invite too many guests to your rehearsal dinner.  This party should be reserved for those involved in the wedding .  Although it is a nice thought to invite out-of-town guests, it can resemble a reception.  This should be an evening for winding down, toasts, handing out attendant gifts , and getting to bed early.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address an envelope to those not married? Wording for canceled and rescheduled wedding? Listing late father as host?