Got Wedding Etiquette?

Q & A With an Etiquette Expert As an etiquette specialist, I receive countless wedding etiquette questions.   Many of these questions concern the use of a wedding gift registry.   Even though this tool has been in place for decades now, many are still confused about how to use it.   What follows are a few of my answers to wedding gift registry questions.   Must I buy from the registry? Q : Must I buy a wedding gift from the registry?   If not, may I choose a gift I want to give?   For example, I like to buy all my soon-to-be-married friends a nice set of wine glasses.   The issue here is that my friend didn’t register for wine glasses. A : Many people do not know this, but a wedding registry is supposed to be a guideline as to what the couple wants and needs.  A wedding guest shouldn’t feel as if the items from the registry list are obligatory and the only gift choices. Guests may choose to give any gift they wish.  Consequ...

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

  Gift Registries, Cash Gifts, Group Gifts… Oh My! As an etiquette expert, I answer etiquette questions every day.   Many of those concern wedding etiquette, especially when it involves giving gifts.   This isn’t much of a surprise when the latest data provided by Forbes shows that the typical wedding guest spends approximately $673 just for the honor of attending.   Of course, this data includes an expensive mix of lodging and childcare.   However, attending the shower, bachelor, and bachelorette parties contributes much of this sum as well.   Follow along as I share my answers to actual wedding gift etiquette questions. Q : Must I buy the gift from the registry?   The couple registered at a higher-end department store with items such as a $300 espresso machine.   I know the bride loves her mochas, but that’s a bit pricy for me.   If I find the same machine at a discount store, can I purchase it there?   A : There is nothing...

Dear Polite One, My Aunt and Uncle recently sent me an invitation to their vow renewal. Now call me sarcastic but I honestly think it is silly to do that on your fifteenth wedding anniversary, it seems to me a celebration of mediocrity.   My sarcasm led to full-on mean-spiritedness when a little card fell out of the envelope that read, "In lieu of gifts, contributions to our honeymoon would be appreciated." What planet are they from? How can this not be seen as full-on crass behavior ? They are expecting gifts but would prefer cash, to go on a honeymoon, even though they have been married for fifteen years. I am their niece, their junior by a whole generation and they want me to help pay for their honeymoon ? I think this is rude and presumptuous. I don't want to even go. Am I too harsh? Thank you, Annoyed Dear Annoyed, Thank you!!! I have countless wives informing me how horrible I am because I write that they are not brides, their husbands are not gr...

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Angry Social Media Posting Brides Commit Major Etiquette Faux Pas     Alarming as it may be to those who know better, it appears that many are unaware of the simplest of etiquette rules: Be grateful when someone gives a gift.   With these days of skyrocketing travel costs and cash-strapped wallets, this is especially true for wedding gift recipients.   After all, attending a wedding can be awfully expensive for guests. As an etiquette consultant, I feel the need to offer a manners tutorial due to a couple of recent exceptionally bizarre bridezilla stories floating around the Internet.   What are the stories? One unappreciative bride chastised a guest via text message about a gift basket filled with gourmet goodies he gave instead of cash.   The other gag-inducing story involved a financially struggling guest the bride publicly chastised via social media for giving a less than adequate cash gift.   Honestly, I'm not making this up. ...

Your Bridesmaids Will Love These! Most people think of summer as baseball, picnic, or barbecue season.   However, for an etiquette consultant, it can mean only one thing—Wedding Season!   As the weather warms, I’m elbow deep in wedding questions, many of those from frantic brides wondering what to do about their bridesmaids’ gifts.   Consequently, I’ve come up with a few perfect choices, which I’m sharing with you today.   Ready, set…gift! Oh!   I forgot to mention the wedding challenge.   There is a quiz question buried in this ditty.   Let’s see if you can find it and know the answer. Traditional gifts trump all! The traditional bridesmaid’s gift is jewelry, more specifically a necklace.   A necklace is a perfect, and more to the point, logical choice.   After all, the bride can control the overall appearance of her wedding if she also chooses her maid’s jewelry.   Speaking of “maids”, who were the first bridesmaids and why...

  Etiquette Tips for Guest As a guest, it is important to remember that you are not the focus.   Keep that in mind.   It is easy to be a courteous guest.   Attire Unless it is part of the culture of the bridal couple, guests do not wear red.   It steals the show. Avoid revealing attire. Dress in the formality of the event. When in doubt, ask the couple or a member of the family what the dress code is. Behavior Avoid being too loud. Be observant and respectful of traditional wedding and reception elements. Remember that it isn’t all about you.    Yikes! Alcohol Consumption No brainer!   Don’t overindulge.   Drink plenty of non-alcoholic beverages to avoid embarrassing yourself and others.   Etiquette Tips for Gift Giving Couples, please remember that the shower is optional and wedding guests invited to the shower are then responsible for two gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding, so be kind, th...