Got Wedding Etiquette?

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

It seems that we all have strong feelings about what a wedding should be.   Many feel that it is the most important day of a couple’s life.   Well, it may be the most important day, so far, in a couple’s life.   But it is just another day for everyone else.   Because this is true, we must plan carefully not only focusing on our wedding but also focusing attention on our guests.   After all, we are hosts to our guests. Please Note Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.   This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for parents.   How to Invite Guests to a Wedding in Vegas With No Reception? Dear Polite One, We will be getting married in Las Vegas and want to send out invitations to a select small group of people, as they have indicated that they would like to come.  This is only for a wedding (no reception).   How do you word this sort of invitation ?  Keep in mind t...

  Not far in our collective past, the bride’s parents were financially responsible for their daughter’s wedding.   This also gave them the opportunity to use this as a social event inviting their friends and business associates.   The groom’s family received roughly half of the list and they did the same.   Times have changed.   Our children are better educated, and many times have higher incomes than we.   Most often they can pay for their own weddings.   In a nutshell, parents are no longer financially responsible.   This also means that parents do not invite . Dear Polite One: My daughter is getting married, and my husband and I are paying for the reception . I have given her my guest list of immediate family and 4 couples that we are close to. Only 122 guests may be invited, including the wedding party. The groom’s parents send a list of 80 guests, most are not close to the couple. His mom seems to think that this is ok because they ...

Dear Polite One, I need to inform my guests that they will have to send checks to my account or pay the restaurant directly for their reception meal.  How do I do this? Dear Visitor, Sorry but this is never done.  It is impolite way to ask guests to provide the party.  Hosts provide the entire party, especially when the party is a wedding reception. You are essentially asking guests to pay for your reception.  It would be best to host the party you can afford to host. This is what we do when we invite. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Should we attend a wedding for a couple we don’t know? How to write my seating cards? How to Address a Congratulations Card for Doctors?

  Dear Polite One, Just a few days ago, my husband and I received an invitation to a wedding of a cousin of his.  This is a cousin that my husband has never met as there was always a big age difference. (My husband was away at college when she was born)  We looked up the gift registry and most of the gifts are close to the $200 range.  We thought about a gift certificate from a store like Williams Sonoma or Pier 1 Imports.  However, we are already being frowned upon by my husband’s family as we mentioned that we would not be going as: 1) We don't know the bride 2) There has always been a rift between my husband and mother since she left him, his brother, and father years ago. The grandmother wants everyone there for "photo opportunities" before she dies, but nobody is getting along.  And if my husband doesn't go, it's just one more thing for him to be frowned upon.  I guess our biggest dilemma is, do we buy a gift for someon...

  Dear Polite One, One of our coworkers is getting married and has informed all of us who are invited that he expects our gifts to cover the cost he is paying per head for the reception.  Many have scoffed and are not attending, which has put us in an awkward position. I was under the impression that telling people the cost per person is a little rude.  If a host must count the envelopes to pay for the reception, the host has a problem. What are the obligations for gift giving as an invited guest? Do we need to start calling the reception halls to ask what the bride and groom are paying so as not to be looked at as being cheap? Cringing Dear Cringing, Yikes! This is clueless and impolite .  I completely agree with your sentiments.  This is like saying, "I'm going to host a party for myself so I can get a lot of presents.  Yea for me."     I wouldn't attend either.  If you do, however, give a g...

  Dear Polite One, Are gifts expected when a couple divorces and then remarries?  Confused Dear Confused, Those who gave a gift the first time around are not obligated to give a gift this time. Plus, only those attending the are obligated to give one. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Paying admission to attend a wedding? To whom to give gifts? Dissed my gift; wanted cash!  

  Dear Polite One, I am originally from California and moved to New York about a year ago. I was invited to the wedding of my cousin who I meet while living in NY. I was not able to attend the bridal shower and must admit that I did not follow proper etiquette (oops!!!) by failing to send a gift despite my absence. I was going to pick up a wedding gift, but was told by another cousin, who also lives in New York, that in NY, guests apparently don’t give gifts at the wedding.  She said that the registry was only for the use of the bridal shower and that it is customary in NY to give Cash Only.  Additionally, there are no wedding gift tables at the reception. I was also told that it is customary to give the cost of the dinner plate of the wedding and that I should search the Internet to find out how much the bride and groom are paying for each plate at their wedding. Even more surprising, my cousin explained that if the cost of the plate is $150, I should give a min...

  To say that weddings have become more than just uniting two people is an understatement.  Weddings are big business these days.  Because of this, the simple ceremony where two people and their families gather to join in marriage has become this mammoth event with a life of its own.   So, many times and for many people, weddings have become a colossal headache, with unrealistic expectations, debt, and hurt feelings all around.  And, for what? To have the "perfect" wedding (whatever that is), to pretend to be a princess for a day, or to just please mothers who want to be that perfect little princess vicariously through their daughters?  It can be exhausting.  And how do guests and attendants feel about the current wedding climate?  How do they feel about the endless wedding-related events, gifts, and expectations?  What are their gripes and feelings about the all-important day to play dress-up, better known as the wedding? ...

Dear Polite One, I mostly work from home, thus don't know those in our office ; most I've met only once.  One of these strangers invited me to her out-of-state shower and wedding.  Since I don't know her or her fiancé, and these are in a different state, I feel that I've been invited just for gifts .  I'm sure they realize I wouldn't and couldn't attend.  How much am I obligated to give? Insulted Dear Insulted, It does appear that she is gift-mining.  Don't fall for it unless you really want to give.  Keep in mind, cash is not a good shower gift.  Since you are not attending, no gifts are required anyway.  If you wanted to give cash, there is no appropriate amount to spend.  This is a personal decision.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Excluded from the Engagement Party Who hosts the bridal shower? What type of shower to host for those who have everything?

          Hi Polite One, My boss is getting married and is planning a small wedding with a dinner reception for about 60 people. She wants to let guests know that they will be responsible for the cost of their own dinner. How would you word that on an invite? Is that tacky? It is a second marriage for both. She just does not want to spend thousands on food. I have looked in etiquette books and find nothing. It looks like it just isn't done. Can you advise? Thank you Assistant Dear Assistant, That is not only tacky it is incredibly impolite. We never invite guests to a party for which they are expected to provide. And this is a reception? The couple is responsible to cover all costs. The very simple and fair rule is: you invite, you pay. So, if she doesn’t want to spend money, she shouldn’t invite guests—a very simple solution. If she wants to host some sort of party, she could provide a simple reception. It would have to be hosted at a time...

  Dear Polite One, I'm the father of the bride and my daughter's fiancé just canceled the wedding a week before it was to take place.  I'm out thousands of dollars and was wondering what the groom’s family would be obligated to help with.  Thanks in advance! Thank you, Dad Dear Dad, Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  So, the groom’s parents are not responsible for anything.  It was your daughter and her groom’s expense, so they are responsible.  But there are no formal ‘rules’ concerning this.   If there is a next time, please remember that children should pay for their own weddings.  They are quite capable.   Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One Should I invite the groom’s mother dress shopping? May I invite guests only to the wedding? Which is the bride’s side of the church?