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Mother Excised from Wedding Planning

 Shocked woman

As silly as it must sound to some, many mothers dream of sharing wedding planning with their daughters.  There’s just something about spending that precious time with a daughter that is incomparable to any of our previous experiences.  We want, and at times, need to feel needed and important in her life.  Many of us may feel as if this is our last chance to feel like this. 

So naturally, if we are excluded from the wedding planning—by anyone other than the bridal couple—we could feel depressed, anxious, or even angry.  If we are replaced by someone else?  Well...that’s even more maddening.   

Dear Polite One,

As mother of the bride, I assumed I would be involved in planning my daughter's wedding.  But no.  Since my husband's new wife is wealthy, she has taken it upon herself to buy everything, and has planned everything.  I didn't know until recently about any of it. 

I'm not even listed first on my daughter's programs.  I'm listed under her father and his wife's names.  I'm very hurt and don't want to lose any more of the moments that should be reserved for the mother, the real mother.  I don't want to ruin my daughter's day, but I would, at least, like to be treated as the mother of the bride at her wedding.  How can I ensure that I am the one to stand when she walks down the aisle? 

Hurt mom

Dear Hurt Mom,

This is unfortunate and shouldn't have happened.  Just because the stepmother is paying doesn’t mean that she is treated as the mother of the bride, as it is a coveted role.  You should have been mentioned first on the program, you choose your dress first, and you are seated last—as special.  The stepmother and her father are to sit in the third row with you in the first.  I'm not sure if either of them realizes this though.  There are many who do not know what is proper and polite.

Your daughter has the last say on everything.  So, it may be best to discuss how you feel about all of this privately before the wedding. 

Best wishes,

The Polite One

More from The Polite One

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

How to Create a Wedding Website Your Guests Will Love to Visit

When and Where to Seat and Sit

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