Mother Excised from Wedding Planning

As silly as it must sound to some, many mothers dream of sharing wedding planning with their daughters. There’s just something about spending that precious time with a daughter that is incomparable to any of our previous experiences. We want, and at times, need to feel needed and important in her life. Many of us may feel as if this is our last chance to feel like this.

So naturally, if we are excluded from the wedding planning—by anyone other than the bridal couple—we could feel depressed, anxious, or even angry. If we are replaced by someone else? Well...that’s even more maddening.

Dear Polite One,

As mother of the bride, I assumed I would be involved in planning my daughter's wedding. But no. Since my husband's new wife is wealthy, she has taken it upon herself to buy everything, and has planned everything. I didn't know until recently about any of it.

I'm not even listed first on my daughter's programs. I'm listed under her father and his wife's names. I'm very hurt and don't want to lose any more of the moments that should be reserved for the mother, the real mother. I don't want to ruin my daughter's day, but I would, at least, like to be treated as the mother of the bride at her wedding. How can I ensure that I am the one to stand when she walks down the aisle?

Hurt mom

Dear Hurt Mom,

This is unfortunate and shouldn't have happened. Just because the stepmother is paying doesn’t mean that she is treated as the mother of the bride, as it is a coveted role. You should have been mentioned first on the program, you choose your dress first, and you are seated last—as special. The stepmother and her father are to sit in the third row with you in the first. I'm not sure if either of them realizes this though. There are many who do not know what is proper and polite.

Your daughter has the last say on everything. So, it may be best to discuss how you feel about all of this privately before the wedding.

Best wishes,

The Polite One

More from The Polite One

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

How to Create a Wedding Website Your Guests Will Love to Visit

When and Where to Seat and Sit

Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

Got Wedding Etiquette?

Search This Blog