Steps are Parents Too
In
our culture, we often tend to disrespect and hold stepparents in disdain,
especially the stepmother. Perhaps it
shouldn’t be a surprise when we consider fairytale favorites like Cinderella
and Snow White. Both stepmothers were
truly evil; we detest them easily. But
with encore weddings outpacing first-timers, stepmothers become growingly
common. It seems that we should begin to
welcome all who enter our families
as real family members, not mere interlopers.
At
no time is the disdainful treatment of stepmothers more apparent than during
the wedding planning process and at the wedding itself. Stepmothers, even those who have been members
of the family for years, are usually expected to show up for the wedding
dressed as one of the guests—not one of the mothers—sit quietly in the third
row with her husband and disappear into the background during the
reception. This can be completely
understandable in those instances where there are acrimonious feelings. But we should strive to include her in any
way we can. After all, she is a member
of the family.
This
leads into the wedding invitation. The invitation, just as many elements of
proper etiquette, is experiencing growing pains. Our society is changing, as it always
does. Parents are no longer financially
responsible for their children’s weddings, so parental contributions are
considered gifts. However, most often our
invitations do not reflect this change yet.
For now, in most situations the parent or parents who funded the event
are listed as host; this means their names are at the top of the invitation,
inviting guests. Traditionally, these
were the bride’s parents.
For Example
Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sara Ann Smith
To
Mr. John Aaron Brown
But,
what to do with the stepparent his/her spouse contributes? It isn’t polite
or logical to list only the biological parent as host, because couples decide
how they want to spend their funds together.
Therefore, the monetary gift is a gift from both members of the
couple.
For Example
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Wells (Mom and Stepfather)
Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Brown (groom’s parents if hosting)
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sara Ann Smith
To
Mr. John Aaron Brown
Alternately,
how about those parents who don’t contribute?
While it isn’t obligatory to list these parents – traditionally these
were the groom’s parents – it is gracious and polite. Non-contributing parents could be listed
under the names of the wedding couple. This
should also include the stepparents.
Again, this isn’t obligatory; it is just plain gracious behavior.
For Example
Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sara Ann Smith
To
Mr. John Aaron Brown
Son of
Mr. and Mrs. Walker Temple
Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Brown
Eventually,
I foresee the couple listed as hosts and the parents listed under the couple’s
names. Until then, consider what is the
most polite and gracious action. The
answer is usually the correct one.
Please
note that these styles are used for traditional formal weddings. It is completely appropriate to use informal
language for less formal weddings, such as Sara Smith and John Brown together with
their parents wish to….
More
by The Polite One
Wedding
Invitations: Email, Response Card, Guest Issues
5 Top Wedding Invitations Questions,
Plus One
Rules:
thank you notes, sympathy letters, wedding enclosures...
Comments
Post a Comment