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Wedding Anniversary Q & A: Card Box, Gifts, Wedding?

Am I expected to drop a cash gift in a card box at the anniversary party? 

Dear Polite One

My friends invited me to their 25th wedding anniversary.  The invitation stated that no gifts are expected and yet included that there will be a card box available.  Am I expected to give cash?

Card or cash?

Dear Card or Cash,

Since the couple requested no gifts, they are expecting none. However, you may give a gift card to their favorite restaurant or something similar if you wish. But you are not obligated to include cash with the card.  It is unfortunate, however, that they mentioned a card box, which typically implies they expect guests to give them cash.  This is viewed as poor manners. Hopefully, they meant that the box is available, so the cards do not get lost.  We can only hope. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Request for Charity Gift

Dear Polite One

June 10, 2006 my husband and I celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary with a fabulous Reaffirmation Ceremony and Reception.  In lieu of gifts, we requested our guest contribute to a Foundation in the memory of his mother and my grandmother.  Our guests were very generous and I do want to send an appropriate Thank You note.

Suggestions for wording would be appreciated.  We want to handwrite them, but there were over 100 guests who contributed to the foundation so my thoughts cannot be expressed in the many words I would like to say handwritten unless you think printed thank you notes would be appropriate.  We also received a number of gifts and cash from those who gave us a gift rather than the foundation. 

It was "GRAND CELEBRATION", exceeding my wildest dreams!

Thanks for any input you could offer.

Happily Married

Dear Happily Married,

It is unfortunate you mentioned what type of gift your guests could give you.  Gifts are not supposed to be mentioned on these invitations unless you mention: Please no gifts.  This wasn't supposed to be a gift-giving situation, although many consider it so.  When you mention what type of gifts you would prefer, your guests know that you are expecting one. 

That said, it is very generous of your guests to give to you though.  And it was generous of you to choose a charity.  So, individual handwritten thank-you notes, not generic, should be sent as soon as possible.  Good decision.    

The script should be yours and from the heart.  Please do not begin with "Thank you".  It may be best to begin with telling each how wonderful it was for them to share your day.  Then you can tell them how thankful you are to them for their contribution or gift.  If you had a memorable conversation with that guest, it would be best to mention something relating to it. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Anniversary Party Wedding?  What?

Dear Polite One,

I was invited to an "all-out" 25th wedding anniversary, church ceremony, a "bridal" reception and all, what kind of present should I give?

Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,

This is unfortunate that they are treating this as a wedding.  It is not.  A reaffirmation is not supposed to appear as a wedding.  It is considered very poor taste. 

We typically give gifts for a 25th-anniversary party though.  This could be a gift certificate to a restaurant, book, or hobby-inspired gift.  Since they are committing such an obvious social faux pas, though, perhaps you could give them a copy of any etiquette book. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One


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