Am I expected to drop a cash gift in a card box at the anniversary party?
Dear Polite One
My friends invited me to their 25th wedding anniversary. The
invitation stated that no gifts are expected and yet included that there will
be a card box available. Am I expected to give cash?
Card or cash?
Dear Card or Cash,
Since the couple requested no gifts, they are expecting none.
However, you may give a gift card to their favorite restaurant or something
similar if you wish. But you are not obligated to include cash with the
card. It is unfortunate, however, that they mentioned a card box,
which typically implies they expect guests to give them cash. This
is viewed as poor manners. Hopefully, they meant that the box is available, so
the cards do not get lost. We can only hope.
Sincerely,
The Polite One
Request for Charity Gift
Dear
Polite One
June
10, 2006 my husband and I celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary with a
fabulous Reaffirmation Ceremony and Reception.
In lieu of gifts, we requested our guest contribute to a Foundation in the memory of his mother and my grandmother.
Our guests were very generous and I do want to send an appropriate Thank
You note.
Suggestions
for wording would be appreciated. We
want to handwrite them, but there were over 100 guests who contributed to the
foundation so my thoughts cannot be expressed in the many words I would like to
say handwritten unless you think printed thank you notes would be appropriate. We also received a number of gifts and cash
from those who gave us a gift rather than the foundation.
It
was "GRAND CELEBRATION", exceeding my wildest dreams!
Thanks
for any input you could offer.
Happily
Married
Dear
Happily Married,
It
is unfortunate you mentioned what type of gift your guests could give you. Gifts are not supposed to be mentioned on
these invitations unless you mention: Please no gifts. This wasn't supposed to be a gift-giving
situation, although many consider it so. When you mention what type of gifts you would
prefer, your guests know that you are expecting one.
That
said, it is very generous of your guests to give to you though. And it was generous of you to choose a
charity. So, individual handwritten
thank-you notes, not generic, should be sent as soon as possible. Good decision.
The
script should be yours and from the heart.
Please do not begin with "Thank you". It may be best to begin with telling each how
wonderful it was for them to share your day.
Then you can tell them how thankful you are to them for their
contribution or gift. If you had a
memorable conversation with that guest, it would be best to mention something
relating to it.
Sincerely,
The
Polite One
Anniversary Party Wedding?
What?
Dear
Polite One,
I
was invited to an "all-out" 25th wedding anniversary, church
ceremony, a "bridal" reception and all, what kind of present should I
give?
Overwhelmed
Dear
Overwhelmed,
This
is unfortunate that they are treating this as a wedding. It is not.
A reaffirmation is not supposed to appear as a wedding. It is considered very poor taste.
We
typically give gifts for a 25th-anniversary party though. This could be a gift certificate to a
restaurant, book, or hobby-inspired gift.
Since they are committing such an obvious social faux pas, though,
perhaps you could give them a copy of any etiquette book.
Sincerely,
The
Polite One
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