No Gifts for Our Destination Wedding

Dear Polite One,

We are planning a formal destination wedding in my fiancée's country where we are currently living. Many of her invitees are here and mine live in the United States. Our issue is that we're not sure where we will be living after the wedding. We will travel to the destination for the wedding and then back to the states. Obviously, we can't transport gifts with us. So, we prefer to have no gifts. How can we convey this message?

Thanking you in advance.

Respectfully,

A Confused Groom

Dear A Confused Groom,

I commend you on this decision. Most couples these days would just want to know how to ask for cash. Bravo!

It isn't appropriate to convey this information on the invitation—too much emphasis on gifts. So, the tried-and-true method of ensuring everyone knows is by 'word of mouth'. Get the rumor mill working with you in a positive way. A family member in the U.S. could be your RSVP recipient responsible for informing your guests of your preferences. Your guests could also send gifts to her/his address for you if they wish.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Warm regards,

The Polite One

More From The Polite One

Sister wants parents to “gift” them with a wedding.

Do we cover our destination wedding guests’ cost?

When to schedule a reception after our destination wedding?

Comments

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today. Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal. Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have th...

When and Where to Seat and Sit

Playing Musical Chairs With Parents Dear Polite One, On the day of the wedding when it becomes time to seat the parents of the bride and groom, who sits first and last especially when dealing with stepparents? Me First Dear Me First , We have more parental issues to deal with these days than we did in the past. In fact, more weddings are encore wedding than first, which reflects this trend. So, to keep everyone happy and separate, we seat parents in this order: Groom’s father and stepmother (third row); Bride’s father and stepmother (third row); Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row); Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row). If everyone is on friendly terms, all parents may sit in the front row in the given order. The stepparents follow the person escorting parents to their seats. Sincerely, The Polite One Seating Chart Dilemma Dear Polite One, I'm working ...

Oh Please Stop! A Wife is Not a Bride.

Serial Weddings for the Same Couple is Not Polite...or nice “What’s the point?” Vicky asks her fiancé when he suggests they marry privately in Barcelona and follow up with a formal affair back home. Of course, in this movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona , the reason for her question was a reluctance to say, “I do.” But it is a valid question for all of us, as it isn’t logical and from an etiquette viewpoint is as improper as one can get. However, with so many celebrity couples opting for multiple wedding ceremonies – to the same people – the average person might assume that this practice is now, not only the “popular” new expression of love but appropriate, which it is neither. Basically, it is most impolite to guests who might consider this a real wedding and feel the need to give a gift. This often results in guests, even family, viewing this as a blatant grab since a wedding is a gift-giving event and the vow renewal is not. For those...

Got Wedding Etiquette?

Search This Blog