Wedding Etiquette for Parents

The Good Wedding Guest

Since I’ve answered etiquette questions for decades, and because etiquette rules change as our lives become more and more complicated, I read extensively. Visitors deserve more than the 'old fogey' that still thinks encore brides cannot wear white.

Yet I do not know when, but do know why, more and more bridal couples are providing a room for the children of guests to be entertained during a wedding reception. Just providing a babysitter is not enough in most cases, as children become bored, leave the room, and run around. Not all guests appreciate being knocked over by a running nine-year-old.

So, when did it happen? When did parents decide that they are not responsible for their children's behavior?

A little-known personal fact, I am a credentialed teacher. Because of this, I look for every teachable moment and know that there are plenty when an adult is with a child. Surprisingly, many parents do not realize that an event such as a wedding and reception is a Teachable Moment.

This is an opportunity to teach children to respect others by instructing them to sit quietly during the ceremony, to use proper table manners, to stay in their seats and use indoor voices during the reception. The beauty of the reception is that we, as parents, can also teach our children the art of introduction, conversation, and mingling. This type of event is a priceless teaching tool.

Yet, many parents focus on the fun of the wedding reception and tend to feel that it is their child's right to use the venue as a playground. They forget that they are also 'the teacher,' so I advise brides to plan entertainment for the child guest. It saddens me to do so, but a stress-free wedding is what the bride wants and needs, not a platform for teaching children.

That is my wish though, that parents use every occasion as a teachable moment for their children. Please be the parent your child needs and deserves. Our next-generation depends on it.

Your thoughts?

More by The Polite One

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Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

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