After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns.
Q: Is an
invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the
wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry?
A: Unfortunately,
yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today.
Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests.
Q: Registries
feel so impersonal. Is there any way to
make it more personal?
A: I
honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a
couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the
price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to
be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have that quality to it if
not.
Q: I am
in the wedding party, spending money on the dress, the shower, etc., am I
expected to purchase an expensive gift from the registry?
A: As a
guest, bridal, or family member, there is no perfect and proper amount of
money to spend on a wedding gift. No one is obligated to give more than
another or to give a certain type of gift. And attendants may give a group gift or one that is handmade.
Q: Ten
years ago, my husband and I married at the courthouse. We are now planning our “real wedding” and
considering a honeymoon registry. How do
we advertise this to our wedding guests?
A:
I
realize and understand how you two may feel about not having the traditional
elements of a formal wedding. Still, please
do not do this. You two are married and
have been for, as you say, ten years.
There are no do-overs, no matter what “reality” television series
portrays.
You
may, however, have a vow renewal, invite guests and host a party
afterward. To be viewed positively by
guests, there are stipulations, however.
This is not a wedding, so no wedding attire or registries. You host, which means you cover all
costs. My suggestion is to plan a
semi-private vow renewal, host your party and then take a nice vacation to
celebrate your tenth anniversary.
Please read my article about vow renewals. The picture you see is of an extremely pleasant couple who vacationed to Hawaii for their twentieth anniversary and had a private vow renewal on the beach.
Suggestion: you can share this ceremony with family members and friends via Skype or another such program.
Beware
Sharing Too Much & Hurting Others on Social Networking Sites
Wedding
Guest Attire Advice: Decoding the Dress Code
Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a
Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests
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