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4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. 

Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry?

A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today.  Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest?  It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests.

Q: Registries feel so impersonal.  Is there any way to make it more personal?

A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal.  If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest.  Unfortunately, it can have that quality to it if not. 

Q: I am in the wedding party, spending money on the dress, the shower, etc., am I expected to purchase an expensive gift from the registry?

A: As a guest, bridal, or family member, there is no perfect and proper amount of money to spend on a wedding gift.  No one is obligated to give more than another or to give a certain type of gift.  And attendants may give a group gift or one that is handmade.

Q: Ten years ago, my husband and I married at the courthouse.  We are now planning our “real wedding” and considering a honeymoon registry.  How do we advertise this to our wedding guests?

A: I realize and understand how you two may feel about not having the traditional elements of a formal wedding.  Still, please do not do this.  You two are married and have been for, as you say, ten years.  There are no do-overs, no matter what “reality” television series portrays. 

You may, however, have a vow renewal, invite guests and host a party afterward.  To be viewed positively by guests, there are stipulations, however.  This is not a wedding, so no wedding attire or registries.  You host, which means you cover all costs.  My suggestion is to plan a semi-private vow renewal, host your party and then take a nice vacation to celebrate your tenth anniversary. 

Please read my article about vow renewals.  The picture you see is of an extremely pleasant couple who vacationed to Hawaii for their twentieth anniversary and had a private vow renewal on the beach.  

Suggestion: you can share this ceremony with family members and friends via Skype or another such program.  

Please Read

Beware Sharing Too Much & Hurting Others on Social Networking Sites

Wedding Guest Attire Advice: Decoding the Dress Code  

Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests 



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