Be Grateful When Receiving Wedding Gifts

 

Angry Social Media Posting Brides Commit Major Etiquette Faux Pas   

Alarming as it may be to those who know better, it appears that many are unaware of the simplest of etiquette rules: Be grateful when someone gives a gift.  With these days of skyrocketing travel costs and cash-strapped wallets, this is especially true for wedding gift recipients.  After all, attending a wedding can be awfully expensive for guests.

As an etiquette consultant, I feel the need to offer a manners tutorial due to a couple of recent exceptionally bizarre bridezilla stories floating around the Internet. 

What are the stories?

One unappreciative bride chastised a guest via text message about a gift basket filled with gourmet goodies he gave instead of cash.  The other gag-inducing story involved a financially struggling guest the bride publicly chastised via social media for giving a less than adequate cash gift.  Honestly, I'm not making this up.  Hence, to prevent future manners-crash-and-burns, I'll break down these stories and explain why these grandiose gift expectations are ill-mannered. 

Should guests give from the heart or from the wallet?

Gift baskets are a wonderful gift, and this guest put a lot of thought – and hard-earned cash – into it.  The guest chose cutesy items, like marshmallow fluff, and expensive gourmet items, like Godiva biscuits. He even gave a gift certificate to an Italian restaurant.

The bride's view is that her spouse is gluten-intolerant, so the entire gift is worthless to them, and would rather have cash.  Does this health issue truly mean that the bride should text a guest and request a receipt so she could return the items?  

What is the etiquette here?

Whether or not gluten is an issue, it is extremely impolite and inconsiderate to inform a guest that his gift is worthless.  The bridal couple should have thanked the guest via handwritten thank-you note for such a generous and thoughtful gift.   

Guests do not pay for the party...eh, reception.

The Social Media griping bride is under the assumption that guests should give envelopes filled with oodles of cash.  More to the point, Bridezilla believes guests should give cash equal to the cost of dinners she provided at her reception.  Since the bride granted an "and guest", she expected cash for two dinners. Is this bride correct?  Should the guest have given a gift or cash worth the reception dinner he received? 

What is the etiquette here?

There is no entry fee for wedding guests to attend receptions, and they do not pick up the tab for their dinners.  In fact, guests shouldn't be informed or be expected to consider the cost of their meals.  Feeding guests is one of the costs of hosting a reception, and it is entirely the couple's financial responsibility. 

Moreover, guests give gifts for the wedding, not the reception.  There is no gift obligation for an "and guest" nor is the invited guest obligated to give an additional gift.  Therefore, it is impolite and illogical for couples to expect guests to pay for the reception.  Couples should host the reception they can comfortably afford to host.

Wedding gift etiquette for requesting cash gifts.

• Never request cash as a gift, even on a wedding website.
• Inform people of the cash expectation when asked.
• Use the rumor mill and ask others to spread the word.

Wedding gift etiquette for requesting no gifts.

• Albeit a respectable expectation, never list any gift reference on any wedding correspondence.
• This may be listed on a wedding website. 
• Use the rumor mill and ask others to spread the word.

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