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Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests

 Wedding planning advice

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Over the top fantasy, fairytale weddings may be appealing in theory. But as the old saying goes, “All that glitters is not gold.”  Consider the wedding in the movie Father of the Bride.  As the wedding fiasco was in full force, Dad, Steve Martin, was embarrassed about the results.  Yes, a gigantic public display of over-indulgence can be cringe-worthy.  One must wonder what the wedding guests really thought about the wedding. 

Considering the popularity of wedding-reality shows, does this create a false narrative that real-life might couple believe?  Do they consider their guests as they should?  Is it really "All about the couple"?  And should bridal couples treat their wedding day as an excuse to play dress up and treat their special guests as minions? 

Let's put some real reality into wedding planning and rethink the current concept of the princess-for-the-day syndrome.  Most importantly, let's try to remember that when we invite guests we are expected to be hosts. 

Guest Comfort is Key

If possible, schedule the reception to directly follow the wedding.  Guests shouldn't have to wait around twiddling their thumbs between events.  Perhaps take most photos before the wedding.  Alternately, provide wedding guests with an activity or a hospitality room, in which to wait, if they are to wait more than a couple of hours. 

A and B lists are tricky, best to avoid them.  Most on the B list realize they are the "back-up" guests and are insulted.

Gifts Should Not be the Focus

Guests shouldn't be invited merely to give an extravagant gift.  When those we haven't seen in years or we know won't attend are invited, it can appear as if we are only after the obligatory gift.  So, only invite those who are close.

Register for a variety of items in various price ranges: $5 >.  But please don't treat the registry as a dream wish list.  You two can purchase the big-ticket items.  A riding lawn mower, anyone? 

Don't post your wedding registry on the first page of your wedding website.  Guests should have to search for it.  These sites should focus on your love story.

Never request cash!  It appears greedy.

Choose a Formality Level & Stick to it

Venue, attire and time of day will dictate formality.  So, if the budget only allows for a daytime wedding in the park, nix the formal gown and tux.  This bridal attire is considered a faux pas and confusing to guests. 

Guests typically determine the formality of a wedding, specifically what they will wear, by the formality of the invitation.  So, choose wedding invitations and wording that reflects this. Select lightweight, simple font using informal language, for the informal affair.  Heavyweight ivory, cream, or white paper, engraved, third-person language using a traditional font screams formal wedding.

Please note that a tuxedo is considered formal evening attire.

Provide the Entire Party

Hosts host, in a nutshell this means that the host provides the entire party: venue, food, beverages, and entertainment.  After-parties for a select few is impolite, as is inviting some to the meal portion of the reception and the remainder of the guests arrive for the dance.  Not nice.  Guests know the difference and are insulted. 

All wedding guests are invited to the entire reception.

Thank Your Guests

Guests attend weddings and receptions to support and share in the couple's special moment. So, it is only polite for the couple to visit with each and every one of them.  Handshaking, elbow bumps, air kisses, hugs, and lots of thanks should be flowing as freely as the Champagne.

And don't forget those handwritten thank you notes for all gifts! 

Please Read

Bridal Shower Q & A: Multiple Parties & What to Give?

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

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