Skip to main content

Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests

 Wedding planning advice

Top 5 Tips

Over the top fantasy, fairytale weddings may be appealing in theory. But as the old saying goes, “All that glitters is not gold.”  Consider the wedding in the movie Father of the Bride.  As the wedding fiasco was in full force, Dad, Steve Martin, was embarrassed about the results.  Yes, a gigantic public display of over-indulgence can be cringe-worthy.  One must wonder what the wedding guests really thought about the wedding. 

Considering the popularity of wedding-reality shows, does this create a false narrative that real-life might couple believe?  Do they consider their guests as they should?  Is it really "All about the couple"?  And should bridal couples treat their wedding day as an excuse to play dress up and treat their special guests as minions? 

Let's put some real reality into wedding planning and rethink the current concept of the princess-for-the-day syndrome.  Most importantly, let's try to remember that when we invite guests we are expected to be hosts. 

Guest Comfort is Key

If possible, schedule the reception to directly follow the wedding.  Guests shouldn't have to wait around twiddling their thumbs between events.  Perhaps take most photos before the wedding.  Alternately, provide wedding guests with an activity or a hospitality room, in which to wait, if they are to wait more than a couple of hours. 

A and B lists are tricky, best to avoid them.  Most on the B list realize they are the "back-up" guests and are insulted.

Gifts Should Not be the Focus

Guests shouldn't be invited merely to give an extravagant gift.  When those we haven't seen in years or we know won't attend are invited, it can appear as if we are only after the obligatory gift.  So, only invite those who are close.

Register for a variety of items in various price ranges: $5 >.  But please don't treat the registry as a dream wish list.  You two can purchase the big-ticket items.  A riding lawn mower, anyone? 

Don't post your wedding registry on the first page of your wedding website.  Guests should have to search for it.  These sites should focus on your love story.

Never request cash!  It appears greedy.

Choose a Formality Level & Stick to it

Venue, attire and time of day will dictate formality.  So, if the budget only allows for a daytime wedding in the park, nix the formal gown and tux.  This bridal attire is considered a faux pas and confusing to guests. 

Guests typically determine the formality of a wedding, specifically what they will wear, by the formality of the invitation.  So, choose wedding invitations and wording that reflects this. Select lightweight, simple font using informal language, for the informal affair.  Heavyweight ivory, cream, or white paper, engraved, third-person language using a traditional font screams formal wedding.

Please note that a tuxedo is considered formal evening attire.

Provide the Entire Party

Hosts host, in a nutshell this means that the host provides the entire party: venue, food, beverages, and entertainment.  After-parties for a select few is impolite, as is inviting some to the meal portion of the reception and the remainder of the guests arrive for the dance.  Not nice.  Guests know the difference and are insulted. 

All wedding guests are invited to the entire reception.

Thank Your Guests

Guests attend weddings and receptions to support and share in the couple's special moment. So, it is only polite for the couple to visit with each and every one of them.  Handshaking, elbow bumps, air kisses, hugs, and lots of thanks should be flowing as freely as the Champagne.

And don't forget those handwritten thank you notes for all gifts! 

Please Read

Bridal Shower Q & A: Multiple Parties & What to Give?

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Which Color is or is not Taboo for Wedding Attire?

  Learn what formally taboo colors are now proper to wear for a wedding and the one color that is not in this informative wedding etiquette article.   The Mother of the Bride wants to wear the lacy white skirt-suit she bought especially for her daughter’s wedding.   Is it appropriate?   Hmmm...   How about that spicy red number the Groom’s cousin yearns to don?   Hold onto your cummerbunds, we’re diving into the wedding attire info pool.   Wearing White Some still consider wearing white to a wedding as an insult to the bride, as if stealing the spotlight.   But it just isn't so.   A little white here and there is not an issue.   It is an issue if the outfit appears to be wedding attire .   Wearing Black Wearing black, especially as the mother of the groom, was once viewed as a symbol of her disapproval.   It was also viewed as a faux pas for wedding guests to wear black before 6 pm. Luckily, this is not the case today.   Black attire is viewed as trendy, cool, and st

Wedding Guest Advice: How to Use a Gift Registry

Q & A With an Etiquette Expert As an etiquette specialist, I receive countless wedding etiquette questions.   Many of these questions concern the use of a wedding gift registry.   Even though this tool has been in place for decades now, many are still confused about how to use it.   What follows are a few of my answers to wedding gift registry questions.   Must I buy from the registry? Q : Must I buy a wedding gift from the registry?   If not, may I choose a gift I want to give?   For example, I like to buy all my soon-to-be-married friends a nice set of wine glasses.   The issue here is that my friend didn’t register for wine glasses. A : Many people do not know this, but a wedding registry is supposed to be a guideline as to what the couple wants and needs.  A wedding guest shouldn’t feel as if the items from the registry list are obligatory and the only gift choices. Guests may choose to give any gift they wish.  Consequently, give a gift of your choice that refle

Anti-Clueless Advice: Wedding Guest Attire Decoded

  In the movie "You Again," Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver — as mothers of bride and groom – both wore red, off-the-shoulder dresses to the rehearsal dinner.   Yikes!   All eyes traveled to the attractive red dots floating around the room.   This, of course, isn't the best attire for mothers to wear to any wedding-related event.   But, what about wedding guests?   What is proper attire for wedding guests to wear to the wedding and how is it determined? Pay Attention to the Details The wedding invitation is our first clue to the formality of the wedding, and thus to our attire.   The heaviness of the paper, time of day, and the type of venue give us hints.   Usually, daytime weddings are less formal.   Couples use heavier paper for invitations for formal weddings.   Most often they will include the wording, "Formal" or "Black Tie" in the lower left-hand corner.    And, if the venue seems formal, the wedding usually is as well.   Of cour