How Announcements Differ from Invitations
At
first, I thought it was a joke, but it’s uncommon for news anchors to call with a joke. Nikki Medoro (a lovely
person btw) from KGO Radio San Francisco called to interview me about a slowly
evolving – very impolite – trend in the wedding industry: the "You're not
invited announcement" or "Anti-invite alert". No, I am not kidding.
Nikki
conveyed, (interview)
that basically, the bride and groom send out emails or cards informing those
near and dear that their presence is not required at the wedding. As an etiquette consultant, I did my best to
respond in a polite manner that I find this behavior hurtful and obscene. Actually, I was shocked that anyone would consider
these missives appropriate.
Honestly,
guest list issues are not a new phenomenon. Money and space limitations often cause couples
to whittle down their guest lists. It
is not easy, and quite often those we love will not make the cut. Can you imagine sending a message informing
these loved ones that they are not good enough?
That is just not nice.
Announcements
Announce. Invitations Invite.
Oddly
enough, some still feel that a wedding
invitation obligates the receiver to send a gift--very common for those on
the east coast. While I find a piece of
paper dictating a gift rather silly, many will send a gift if they receive any wedding-related correspondence. Therefore, to avoid confusing or insulting
those we love, it is extremely important to follow standard etiquette rules for
wedding-related correspondences.
It
is simple; send wedding invitations
at least eight weeks before the wedding to those invited. Send announcements
– sparingly – to those not invited, and only to those who would want or
need to know about the marriage. Send
directly after the wedding.
Thus,
invitations invite, and announcements announce.
After all, it isn't polite to send any type of wedding correspondence to
those not invited to the wedding before the event. It's like saying, "Sorry bud, but you're
just not special enough to invite to my wedding."
How do
we politely inform those not invited to our wedding?
Not
many of us can afford to host a huge wedding and reception including all our loved
ones. Our ‘musts’ usually include only
those with whom we are very close, and most understand this. In fact, most will wait until they receive an
invitation or save the date to discuss attending the wedding.
In
those cases when people do inquire, we simply inform them that we had to keep
the guest list very tight. Of course, including,
"I really wish we could have included you" will help soothe any hurt
feelings. Additionally, try to do
something special – on your dime – with those excluded from the guest list later.
Avoid
posting impending nuptials on social media.
To
avoid causing a torrent of hurt feelings, attempt to keep wedding plans private,
only discussing them with those invited.
Hence, avoid posting plans on social media. To do so is like saying, "Na, na, na,
na, na, na, you're not invited." A
perfect alternative is to host a wedding website to help those invited stay
current with your plans. Give only those
invited the address to the site, reducing the chance of hurt feelings.
If
hosting a wedding website, please do not include registry information on the
first page. These sites should focus on
your love story and wedding plans, not on gift suggestions.
Enjoy
the wedding planning process!
Beware
Sharing Too Much & Hurting Others on Social Networking Sites
Wedding
Guest Attire Advice: Decoding the Dress Code
Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a
Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests
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