Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Decode a Confusing Wedding Invitation

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding? In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding. Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.

Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception?

As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario. A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations, which appear rather informal. Yet, the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.

While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag. The invitation is informal indicating informal attire. A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening country club events is typically cocktail attire.

Drum Roll...and The Best Guess is...

Since there are conflicting messages here, we use an educated guess and ignore the informality of the invitation. Thus, the advice would be for wedding guests to wear conservative – not too much skin – cocktail attire. This calls for a suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.

More by The Polite One

Just the Facts: Wedding Etiquette Tips

What is Proper for My Flower Girl?

Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests

Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests what is typically expected at

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a neighborhood park.

Should the Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of the Plate?

Hi Polite One, I need help. My step-cousin recently married. She is close with my parents, but not so much with me. Not because of anything bad, we just sort of lost touch, we just never see each other. In fact, I only see her once a year at Christmas. She comes from a wealthy family and her wedding was extremely lavish. I'm guessing minimum $300-$500 per plate. I was invited to the wedding with a guest and was concerned because I barely had the money to attend the wedding ( dress , shoes, etc.), let alone give a gift. My family is all about monetary gifts (always cash or check). My parents were insisting that I needed to cover the cost of my plate which was more than 2 weeks of my pay. I wanted to decline because I couldn't afford to go and was embarrassed. My parents insisted that it was family and that was not an option. I was told to do whatever I needed to do to get a dress, shoes, and cash gift to cover my plate. Because of the pressure, I responded that I would

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