Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Decode a Confusing Wedding Invitation

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding? In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding. Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.

Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception?

As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario. A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations, which appear rather informal. Yet, the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.

While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag. The invitation is informal indicating informal attire. A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening country club events is typically cocktail attire.

Drum Roll...and The Best Guess is...

Since there are conflicting messages here, we use an educated guess and ignore the informality of the invitation. Thus, the advice would be for wedding guests to wear conservative – not too much skin – cocktail attire. This calls for a suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.

More by The Polite One

Just the Facts: Wedding Etiquette Tips

What is Proper for My Flower Girl?

Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests

Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today. Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal. Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have th...

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