Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Decode a Confusing Wedding Invitation

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding? In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding. Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.

Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception?

As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario. A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations, which appear rather informal. Yet, the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.

While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag. The invitation is informal indicating informal attire. A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening country club events is typically cocktail attire.

Drum Roll...and The Best Guess is...

Since there are conflicting messages here, we use an educated guess and ignore the informality of the invitation. Thus, the advice would be for wedding guests to wear conservative – not too much skin – cocktail attire. This calls for a suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.

More by The Polite One

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Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

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