Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Decode a Confusing Wedding Invitation

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding? In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding. Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.

Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception?

As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario. A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations, which appear rather informal. Yet, the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.

While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag. The invitation is informal indicating informal attire. A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening country club events is typically cocktail attire.

Drum Roll...and The Best Guess is...

Since there are conflicting messages here, we use an educated guess and ignore the informality of the invitation. Thus, the advice would be for wedding guests to wear conservative – not too much skin – cocktail attire. This calls for a suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.

More by The Polite One

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Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests

Comments

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today. Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal. Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have th...

When and Where to Seat and Sit

Playing Musical Chairs With Parents Dear Polite One, On the day of the wedding when it becomes time to seat the parents of the bride and groom, who sits first and last especially when dealing with stepparents? Me First Dear Me First , We have more parental issues to deal with these days than we did in the past. In fact, more weddings are encore wedding than first, which reflects this trend. So, to keep everyone happy and separate, we seat parents in this order: Groom’s father and stepmother (third row); Bride’s father and stepmother (third row); Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row); Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row). If everyone is on friendly terms, all parents may sit in the front row in the given order. The stepparents follow the person escorting parents to their seats. Sincerely, The Polite One Seating Chart Dilemma Dear Polite One, I'm working ...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

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