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Wedding Guest Advice: How to Use a Gift Registry

yes and no

Q & A With an Etiquette Expert

As an etiquette specialist, I receive countless wedding etiquette questions.  Many of these questions concern the use of a wedding gift registry.  Even though this tool has been in place for decades now, many are still confused about how to use it.  What follows are a few of my answers to wedding gift registry questions. 

Must I buy from the registry?

Q: Must I buy a wedding gift from the registry?  If not, may I choose a gift I want to give?  For example, I like to buy all my soon-to-be-married friends a nice set of wine glasses.  The issue here is that my friend didn’t register for wine glasses.

A: Many people do not know this, but a wedding registry is supposed to be a guideline as to what the couple wants and needs.  A wedding guest shouldn’t feel as if the items from the registry list are obligatory and the only gift choices.

Guests may choose to give any gift they wish.  Consequently, give a gift of your choice that reflects your relationship with the couple.  If they drink wine, that would be an appropriate gift.

Registry ran out of gifts, what do I give?

Q: The couple invited 200 people to the wedding, but only registered for 100 guests?  What should I do?

A: Rejoice!  Sometimes it seems that many couples view their wedding as a chance to get everything on their wish/dream/gee-I-want-that-so-badly list.  “Sigh.”  Give a gift that reflects your feelings for the couple. 

Buy other gifts from the registry?

Q: The bridal couple registered a full year before their wedding; is it okay to buy their birthday and Christmas gifts from their registry?

A: Please don't.  Some people have begun to use a registry for all occasions.  Many of these events are not necessarily gift-giving events.  Some even state that it is "kind and considerate" to provide potential gift-givers with gift ideas.  Uh-huh.  For birthdays?  Religious holidays?  This is not polite or socially savvy behavior and embarrassing to those who know better.

Actually, it is rather like the sound of nails on a chalkboard to those who know better.  Having said that, it wouldn't hurt to peek at the registry and give something similar.

Only expensive items on the registry!

Q: The bridal couple’s registry is full of extremely expensive items—much more than I want to spend. What can I do?

A: Tums worthy isn't it?  The simple answer is to "just say no".  Don't feel obligated to buy from the registry.  Give a gift within your budget that reflects your relationship with the couple.  Handmade gifts are fine as well.  One of my favorite wedding gifts is a needlepoint picture of our wedding invitation that is nicely framed. 

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