Skip to main content

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. 

Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry?

A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today.  Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest?  It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests.

Q: Registries feel so impersonal.  Is there any way to make it more personal?

A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal.  If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest.  Unfortunately, it can have that quality to it if not. 

Q: I am in the wedding party, spending money on the dress, the shower, etc., am I expected to purchase an expensive gift from the registry?

A: As a guest, bridal, or family member, there is no perfect and proper amount of money to spend on a wedding gift.  No one is obligated to give more than another or to give a certain type of gift.  And attendants may give a group gift or one that is handmade.

Q: Ten years ago, my husband and I married at the courthouse.  We are now planning our “real wedding” and considering a honeymoon registry.  How do we advertise this to our wedding guests?

A: I realize and understand how you two may feel about not having the traditional elements of a formal wedding.  Still, please do not do this.  You two are married and have been for, as you say, ten years.  There are no do-overs, no matter what “reality” television series portrays. 

You may, however, have a vow renewal, invite guests and host a party afterward.  To be viewed positively by guests, there are stipulations, however.  This is not a wedding, so no wedding attire or registries.  You host, which means you cover all costs.  My suggestion is to plan a semi-private vow renewal, host your party and then take a nice vacation to celebrate your tenth anniversary. 

Please read my article about vow renewals.  The picture you see is of an extremely pleasant couple who vacationed to Hawaii for their twentieth anniversary and had a private vow renewal on the beach.  

Suggestion: you can share this ceremony with family members and friends via Skype or another such program.  

Please Read

Beware Sharing Too Much & Hurting Others on Social Networking Sites

Wedding Guest Attire Advice: Decoding the Dress Code  

Anti-Clueless Advice: How to Plan a Wedding That Doesn't Insult Guests 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom.  When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding?  Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions .  So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day.  Dancing isn’t that important.  However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you.  That may seem awkward.  The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests what is typically expected at

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a neighborhood park.

Should the Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of the Plate?

Hi Polite One, I need help. My step-cousin recently married. She is close with my parents, but not so much with me. Not because of anything bad, we just sort of lost touch, we just never see each other. In fact, I only see her once a year at Christmas. She comes from a wealthy family and her wedding was extremely lavish. I'm guessing minimum $300-$500 per plate. I was invited to the wedding with a guest and was concerned because I barely had the money to attend the wedding ( dress , shoes, etc.), let alone give a gift. My family is all about monetary gifts (always cash or check). My parents were insisting that I needed to cover the cost of my plate which was more than 2 weeks of my pay. I wanted to decline because I couldn't afford to go and was embarrassed. My parents insisted that it was family and that was not an option. I was told to do whatever I needed to do to get a dress, shoes, and cash gift to cover my plate. Because of the pressure, I responded that I would