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Vow Renewal Etiquette Made Easy

Wedding vow renewal on the beach of Oahu

Perfect Vow Renewal!

A Note on Vow Renewal Etiquette

I receive many questions regarding vow renewal etiquette. It seems to be an unfortunate trend for many young couples to marry in a small ceremony and to plan a 'wedding' for later in the same year. Please do not.

If you marry, you are married. It doesn't matter if you eloped or had the huge wedding you always wanted. To host two ceremonies, each designed to marry you is considered in extremely poor taste and completely illogical.

One of the biggest reasons this is viewed negatively is that a wedding is a gift-giving event, while the vow renewal is not. So, planning a vow renewal as if it is a wedding creates the atmosphere of a gift-giving event. This should be planned with ultimate care.

A very few have said that it is heartless of me to point this out. 　One such visitor said that I should be more considerate of other's feelings and not be so down on their plans to have a second wedding. Those of you who have been with me for years know better. I am here to help you make decisions based logically and with proper etiquette in mind. My focus is to help each of you to avoid doing anything that may embarrass you and to avoid appearing in a negative.



Two Interesting Questions

Dear Polite One,

My husband and I are renewing our vows while on vacation.  It will be a very small ceremony with only a few friends in attendance.  We want to have a large reception (party) when we return home.  How do we word the invitations?

Wants to Party

Dear Wants to Party,

Surprisingly, the invitations are like those sent to guests for a wedding reception.  There is only a slight difference in wording: The pleasure of your company is requested at a reaffirmation reception celebrating the renewal of the wedding vows of … Names, date, and location.  You could also simply state your wish for each to join you in celebrating your anniversary.  Then, you could surprise your guests with a video—playing on your television—of your vow renewal.  I imagine they’d love it.

Dear Polite One,

My husband and I would like to renew our vows for our tenth anniversary.  We had a big wedding and wish to have a much smaller quieter affair for our renewal.  Would it be appropriate to handwrite letters to each of our guests, or do we have to send formal invitations?  This will be a very informal ceremony. 

Smaller Renewal with Few Guest

Dear Smaller Renewal with Few Guest,

This is very appropriate for a wedding renewal.  This type of invitation is much more intimate as if you are personally inviting each guest.  One caveat, please ensure your guests know this isn’t a wedding.

Please Read

Benchmark Anniversary and Vow Renewal Tips

Rules: thank you notes, sympathy letters, wedding enclosures...

Wedding Anniversary Q & A: Card Box, Gifts, Wedding?


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