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5 Top Wedding Invitations Questions, Plus One

 Wedding Invitation questions answered

How-To Convey Your Preferences Politely

Learn how to use your wedding invitations to convey all the information your guests require to fulfill your expectations. 

A wedding invitation does more than just invite.  It also sets the stage of expectations, a hint of what's to come.  The style of language, heaviness of paper, time of day, and type of venue, all convey a message of formality.  Combined, this helps guests understand what to wear and what to expect. 

From my experience as an etiquette consultant, many couples are unsure of how their invitation – this one piece of paper – can accomplish this task.  What follows are my answers to the five most common wedding invitation etiquette questions.  

Is it acceptable to send invitations via email?

Email is a useful tool for instant communication between multiple people at once.  Although never used for formal events, it can be used tastefully for informal wedding.  With the informal wedding, there are fewer rules and fewer expectations.  In a sense, we are freer to experiment with wedding elements, such as the invitation.

Still, since a wedding is a somewhat more formal event, it would be best to use an "Evite" type service.   These add more personality and formality to your invitation emails. 

How do I include registry information and request cash gifts with my invitations?

Sorry, but this is not polite.  We never mention gift preferences on or with invitations.  This includes a no-gift request.  You might ask that if this is true, what about the registry "inserts' store personnel provide?  The motivation for providing these inserts is based on their financial interest.  Stores have no interest in how these appear to guests. 

Since mentioning gift preferences is off the table, requesting cash, in any manner, is as well.  If you prefer cash, the best way to convey this message is through word of mouth.  Including a link to wedding savings account on your wedding website is fine as well.

However, the information is never included with the invitation or listed on the first page of your site.  Be prepared, you may end up gift-less if requesting cash though.  Many guests find it repulsive. 

When guests want to know where you are registered or what gift you prefer, they ask.  Searching for your registries is a simple task as well.  Avoid insulting guests by openly requesting gifts. 

How do I convey that this is a child-free event?

While there is nothing wrong with hosting a child-free event, listing "adult-only" on invitations is not polite.  We convey this message by using an inner envelope on which to list those who are invited.   Back up this message by spreading your childfree wishes through word of mouth.

How do I inform guests of expected attire?

Traditionally, we attempt to convey this message through the formality of our invitation and by listing "Black Tie" or "White Tie" on our reception (or combo wedding/reception) invitation but never on the wedding invitation. 

However, there is some wiggle room for themed events.   For example, you may want your guests to dress in black and white attire for a garden setting or resort attire for a beachside wedding.  To inform guests, use an enclosure/insert stating attire preferences.  Guests appreciate knowing what is expected.  In fact, attire inquiries are the number one etiquette question I receive as an etiquette consultant.

When should I mail the invitations?

Traditionally, we mailed invitations six to eight weeks prior to the wedding.  However, since our society is much more complex, with family members and friends living in different states and countries, the new standard is no less than eight weeks.  If yours is a destination wedding, consider sending a save-the-date card twelve to six months prior followed up with an invitation closer to the date.

Full Name, Maiden Name, or First Married Name?

Hello Polite One,

My question is: when writing my invitations for my second marriage, should I use my full maiden name or my current legal name? I did not return to my maiden name after divorcing because of my children. Our invitations will be informal, but I think we should use our full names. However, mine would be rather ostentatious looking and sounding if I used all four names. Do I drop my middle name, my maiden name, or my first married name?

Thank you,

By Any Name

Hello, By Any Name,

If your wedding is informal, full names aren’t typically used on the invitations.  Moreover, you would use the name you are using now, which would be your legal name. 

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Most sincerely,

The Polite One

Please Read

Wedding Invitations: Email, Response Card, Guest Issues

Three Tips AboutWedding Correspondence Issues

Wedding Correspondence Q & A: Including Registry Info?


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