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Bridal Shower Q & A: Multiple Parties & What to Give?

 Bridal shower gifts. Multiple showers. Cash gifts.

Because bridal showers are still considered gift-giving events, the planning must be done carefully.  If not, the party might be viewed poorly.   It is logical though.  After all, the couple may receive engagement party gifts, shower gifts, and wedding gifts.  These gifts are all for one couple, for one reason: they are uniting in marriage.  It can be overwhelming for guests.  Here are three guests with common questions.

Is it proper manners to have multiple showers?

Dear Polite One,

I recently attended a housewarming shower combo party for friends who bought a home. Now, they are planning an exceedingly small wedding, for which I'm not invited, but expected to help host several showers.  I feel used.  Am I expected to also give a gift at all these showers?   

Dazed & Confused

Dear Dazed & Confused,

You are correct to feel used, as this is excessive and greedy behavior.  First off, the housewarming is not a shower.  The homeowner hosts this and provides the party and gifts are optional.  Secondly, this couple should never request a shower and should only accept two, for which family shouldn't be involved in hosting.  It often becomes a greedy feeding frenzy.  Thirdly, only those invited to the wedding may be invited to a shower—only one shower. 

Feel free to skip this.  If possible, it would be beneficial to inform them that you've read that this is not polite behavior and want to spare them embarrassment. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

What is the most proper bridal shower gift?

Dear Polite One,

I am invited to my first bridal shower.  I’ve just met the couple, so I don’t know much about them.  What is an appropriate bridal shower gift?

Clueless

Dear Clueless, 

Although many are opting for the gift-less shower, if this isn't, give her something from her registry—not cash.  This should be something less expensive than a wedding gift.   

Sincerely, 

The Polite One

Dear Polite One,

My friend is demanding cash gifts for her bridal shower.  I'm a full-time student and have very little discretionary cash.  What should I do?  I hate to hurt her feelings but feel that others might feel this is wrong.  

Cash Poor

Dear Cash Poor,

Even though cash is the typical wedding gift for many cultures, it is not a proper bridal shower gift.  Opening and sharing gifts with guests is an indispensable part of the gift-giving shower.  Therefore, it is logical that cash and gift cards would not be appropriate.  After all, there is no polite manner of opening an envelope to reveal the cash amount.  Additionally, shower gifts are supposed to be inexpensive household items.  

Please speak with your friend privately and share what you’ve learned.  If she continues with her plans, feel free to skip the party.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Please Read

Rules: thank you notes, sympathy letters, wedding enclosures...

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered 

 

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