Second Wedding Etiquette
Flowers are blooming; the days are warming, so it must be wedding season! Most likely if invited to a wedding, it's an encore wedding. Most are these days. As an etiquette consultant, many of the questions I receive are from encore wedding guests. Questions concerning appropriate attire are the most often asked, but there are many more.
Questions? I have you covered!
As a
guest to the bride's third wedding, what should I wear?
As
is true in all cases, guests should dress for the formality of the event. Typically, we can discern the level of formality
by the invitation, venue, and time of day.
Couples
first convey formality through their invitations. If, for example, the wedding is formal, the
invitation is printed on heavy card stock using formal language. The venue listed would seem more formal as
well, such as a Catholic Church or upper-scale hotel. Next, evening weddings are typically more
formal than daytime weddings. However,
time is the most variable element, as Catholic weddings tend to be formal and
yet are usually scheduled for the afternoon.
So, weigh this element carefully against the other two.
The
most common wedding attire is a sport coat and slacks or suit for men. For women, a time-appropriate little black
dress or its equivalent is best. The
only taboo color for guests, especially women, is red. After all, it's the same color used for stop signs. It draws the eye. Also, avoid wearing bright colors and
revealing attire, as these also shout for attention.
What to
wear to her or his ex's wedding?
Although
not the best idea to attend an ex's wedding, it may be unavoidable when
children are involved. Children may be
confused or anxious about another parent in his or her life. Attendance by the other parent may assuage
these feelings. Thus, if amicable and
invited, attend.
Ex-wives
should not wear red, bright colors, or strapless gowns. Both genders should avoid wearing attire that
is too formal for the event, such as wearing a tuxedo when other guests are
wearing suits. This could appear as a
competition for attention.
Do I
have to attend her shower...again?
An
invitation is not a demand, so it is your choice to attend or not. Additionally, gifts are not necessary if
you've given a shower gift to the same bride or groom. Unfortunately, if you are a bridal attendant,
you are obligated to attend and give a gift.
Are
wedding gifts obligatory for the second, third...wedding?
Many
feel that wedding gifts for a third or fourth wedding seem redundant. I tend to agree. While there is nothing wrong with giving a
gift, a couple's expectation of gifts appears unseemly. Due
to this perception, the well-mannered make it clear they have no gift
expectations. If not, give an affordable
gift that represents your relationship with the couple. This gift does not have to be chosen from the
registry.
No
gifts are necessary if you have given a gift for either member of the couple
for previous weddings or if you are not attending.
Do's and Do not's
- Do send a gift if you have never given one before and are attending the wedding.
- Do appear happy for the couple.
- Do not compare the new bride or groom to previous spouses.
- Do not compare previous weddings.
- Do not dress for attention; avoid revealing attire, red, and bright colors.
- Do not roll your eyes or whisper about how long this one will last.
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