Skip to main content

Encore Wedding Guest Tips: Avoid Rolling Eyes and Whispering

 Encore wedding guest questions answered. Bridal showers, gifts, attire

Second Wedding Etiquette 

Flowers are blooming; the days are warming, so it must be wedding season!  Most likely if invited to a wedding, it's an encore wedding.   Most are these days.   As an etiquette consultant, many of the questions I receive are from encore wedding guests. Questions concerning appropriate attire are the most often asked, but there are many more.  

Questions?  I have you covered!

As a guest to the bride's third wedding, what should I wear?

As is true in all cases, guests should dress for the formality of the event.  Typically, we can discern the level of formality by the invitation, venue, and time of day.  

Couples first convey formality through their invitations.  If, for example, the wedding is formal, the invitation is printed on heavy card stock using formal language.  The venue listed would seem more formal as well, such as a Catholic Church or upper-scale hotel.  Next, evening weddings are typically more formal than daytime weddings.  However, time is the most variable element, as Catholic weddings tend to be formal and yet are usually scheduled for the afternoon.  So, weigh this element carefully against the other two.   

The most common wedding attire is a sport coat and slacks or suit for men.  For women, a time-appropriate little black dress or its equivalent is best.  The only taboo color for guests, especially women, is red.  After all, it's the same color used for stop signs.  It draws the eye.  Also, avoid wearing bright colors and revealing attire, as these also shout for attention.  

What to wear to her or his ex's wedding?

Although not the best idea to attend an ex's wedding, it may be unavoidable when children are involved.  Children may be confused or anxious about another parent in his or her life.  Attendance by the other parent may assuage these feelings.  Thus, if amicable and invited, attend.

Ex-wives should not wear red, bright colors, or strapless gowns.  Both genders should avoid wearing attire that is too formal for the event, such as wearing a tuxedo when other guests are wearing suits.  This could appear as a competition for attention.

Do I have to attend her shower...again?

An invitation is not a demand, so it is your choice to attend or not.  Additionally, gifts are not necessary if you've given a shower gift to the same bride or groom.  Unfortunately, if you are a bridal attendant, you are obligated to attend and give a gift.     

Are wedding gifts obligatory for the second, third...wedding?

Many feel that wedding gifts for a third or fourth wedding seem redundant.  I tend to agree.  While there is nothing wrong with giving a gift, a couple's expectation of gifts appears unseemly.    Due to this perception, the well-mannered make it clear they have no gift expectations.  If not, give an affordable gift that represents your relationship with the couple.  This gift does not have to be chosen from the registry. 

No gifts are necessary if you have given a gift for either member of the couple for previous weddings or if you are not attending.

Do's and Do not's

  • Do send a gift if you have never given one before and are attending the wedding.
  • Do appear happy for the couple.
  • Do not compare the new bride or groom to previous spouses.
  • Do not compare previous weddings.
  • Do not dress for attention; avoid revealing attire, red, and bright colors.
  • Do not roll your eyes or whisper about how long this one will last. 

Please Read

Do I give a gift or what?

Encore Wedding Planning and Gift Q & A

Encore Wedding Planning

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom.  When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding?  Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions .  So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day.  Dancing isn’t that important.  However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you.  That may seem awkward.  The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests what is typically expected at
Post a Comment
Read more

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a neighborhood park.
Post a Comment
Read more

Should the Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of the Plate?

Hi Polite One, I need help. My step-cousin recently married. She is close with my parents, but not so much with me. Not because of anything bad, we just sort of lost touch, we just never see each other. In fact, I only see her once a year at Christmas. She comes from a wealthy family and her wedding was extremely lavish. I'm guessing minimum $300-$500 per plate. I was invited to the wedding with a guest and was concerned because I barely had the money to attend the wedding ( dress , shoes, etc.), let alone give a gift. My family is all about monetary gifts (always cash or check). My parents were insisting that I needed to cover the cost of my plate which was more than 2 weeks of my pay. I wanted to decline because I couldn't afford to go and was embarrassed. My parents insisted that it was family and that was not an option. I was told to do whatever I needed to do to get a dress, shoes, and cash gift to cover my plate. Because of the pressure, I responded that I would
Post a Comment
Read more