Encore Wedding Planning and Gift Q & A

Should we have a big or small wedding?

Dear Polite One,

We are both in our forties and I've been married before, but he hasn't. I have a pre-teen daughter and he has no children. What type of ceremony is appropriate for our situation? Since I had all the trimmings the first time, should we this time? He really would like a traditional all-out wedding/reception.

Interested in Propriety

Dear Interested in Propriety,

Go for it! This is a new beginning for both of you as a couple. Celebrate and enjoy it. There are few restrictions for encore/second-time brides these days. Elements to be avoided would be a blusher veil and your father escorting you down the aisle. However, your daughter would be a great choice of escort.

Tossing your garter and bouquet is probably not a great idea as well. And because you would be hosting, not your parents, you and your husband would be at the head of your reception line.

Other than that, the sky is the limit. You can have the wedding that you desire, register for gifts, include a bridal party, all of it.

If this were a 3rd, 4th... wedding, to some it might appear gauche to wear a traditional gown though.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

What is a proper encore wedding gift?

Dear Polite One,

While not a first wedding for either of my friends, they are getting married after living together for a decade. Since she is an avid cook, I considered new knives but am not sure if this is considered a proper wedding gift.

Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

In the past, knives were considered inappropriate. It’s crazy by our standards, but people actually believed that the gift of knives meant you wanted to “sever” the relationship. Thankfully, we are beyond that silliness.

You are a very generous friend. It is a great gift. One, I believe she will love.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Please Read

Do I give a gift or what?

Encore Wedding Planning

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests what is typically expected at

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a neighborhood park.

Should the Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of the Plate?

Hi Polite One, I need help. My step-cousin recently married. She is close with my parents, but not so much with me. Not because of anything bad, we just sort of lost touch, we just never see each other. In fact, I only see her once a year at Christmas. She comes from a wealthy family and her wedding was extremely lavish. I'm guessing minimum $300-$500 per plate. I was invited to the wedding with a guest and was concerned because I barely had the money to attend the wedding ( dress , shoes, etc.), let alone give a gift. My family is all about monetary gifts (always cash or check). My parents were insisting that I needed to cover the cost of my plate which was more than 2 weeks of my pay. I wanted to decline because I couldn't afford to go and was embarrassed. My parents insisted that it was family and that was not an option. I was told to do whatever I needed to do to get a dress, shoes, and cash gift to cover my plate. Because of the pressure, I responded that I would

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