Second Wedding Etiquette 101: Encore Wedding Planning

Advice for Those Who Have Walked the Aisle Before 

Ready to say, "I do" again?  Learn the answers to the most often asked encore wedding planning questions from an internationally recognized etiquette consultant. 

Out with the old and in with the new seems to apply to marriages these days, as most weddings are encore events for one or both members of the bridal couple.  Thus, many of the old rules that once applied to second weddings have been tossed aside like old and faded bridal bouquets. 

Nevertheless, there are considerations since marriages bring more than just two people together.  Also created and blended is family, especially in the case of children.  For these considerations and more, please read what this etiquette consultant has to say.  

What's the first wedding planning step for encore couples?

If children are in the mix, it's best to notify exes.  Also, notify any family members from your ex's side that you may be close with as well.  No worries, though, it is not necessary to invite any of them, especially your ex.

What are the basic rules?

Surprisingly, most rules for encore weddings are the same for all weddings.  The only do-not-attempt-to-go-here rule concerns brides.  Encore brides should avoid wearing a "blusher veil" as these are reserved for first-time brides. Beyond that, encore weddings can be as elaborate as first weddings. Still, these should be toned down slightly for wedding number three and up.  Additionally, if the last wedding was within the previous two years, you may wish to host a private informal wedding. 

May encore couples have a bridal shower?

Encore couples may have bridal showers hosted for them, but these should be toned down as well.  Actually, all couples should ask themselves if they really need more stuff.  After all, shower gifts are extra gifts—in excess of wedding gifts.   A gift-less shower is most often much more polite.  If planning this as a gift-giving event, perhaps plan one that is focused on inexpensive or handmade gifts.  Recipes and notes of advice are great gifts for encore brides as well. 

The couple or their family members should never host a shower as it could appear as a gift grab.  Additionally, only those invited to the wedding may be invited to a shower. 

Are engagement parties for encore couples appropriate?

Sure, engagement parties are fine for multiple married. In fact, the bridal couple may host.  Yes, it is common for the couple to host their own engagement party, especially for the over-forty crowd.  The only caveat is that this cannot be viewed as a gift-giving event. 

May I, the bride, wear white?

Sure, you can wear any color you wish.  White symbolizes joy, not purity.  But why stick with white when there are so many beautiful colors.  Choose a color that looks best on you. 

May my father walk me down the aisle?

Encore brides do not need an escort.  They may walk alone, with children, or with a friend.  However, there are no rules against it. 

Absolute Don'ts

• Expect engagement gifts
• Never mention gifts or registries on your invitation or enclosures 
• Duplicate your first wedding
• Marry in the same location
• Wear the same dress as your first wedding
• Use rings from a former relationship
• Discuss or berate former spouses

Please Read

Do I give a gift or what?

Encore Wedding Planning and Gift Q & A

5 Top Wedding Invitations Questions, Plus One