To say that weddings have become more than just uniting two people is an understatement. Weddings are big business these days. Because of this, the simple ceremony where two people and their families gather to join in marriage has become this mammoth event with a life of its own.
So, many times and for many people, weddings
have become a colossal headache, with unrealistic expectations, debt, and hurt
feelings all around. And, for what? To
have the "perfect" wedding (whatever that is), to pretend to be a
princess for a day, or to just please mothers who want to be that perfect
little princess vicariously through their daughters? It can be exhausting.
And
how do guests
and attendants feel about the current wedding climate? How do they feel about the endless wedding-related
events, gifts, and expectations? What
are their gripes and feelings about the all-important day to play dress-up,
better known as the wedding?
It
may sound as if I'm completely against grandiose weddings, but I'm not. Really.
I feel that people should have what they want if it doesn't hurt or
offend anyone. For the most part, I'm simply
an observer. I observe human interaction,
and behavior, and try to understand it.
Some of the wedding craze, the event-of-the-century type of wedding
expectation is difficult to fit into my aging brain.
Does
anyone do simple anymore? (smile)
I
wondered how my fellow citizens felt, so I rose out of my writing chair to
venture out into the vastness of my city to ask your opinions. This is what you've told me. Oh!
Thank you, by the way.
Your Wedding Gripes
Sasha,
a Young Davis Mother
Couples
don't seem to acknowledge guests anymore.
It costs so much to attend a wedding, and it seems that the couple is
only interested in posing. It's as if
they could care less if I'm there or not.
Liam
From Twitter
Overpriced
and there is blind adherence to traditions that neither the groom nor bride
really want.
Walethia
From Twitter
Most
never start on time.
Yasmine
From Twitter
My
biggest gripes are venues and vendors who try to take advantage, especially
those who are blatant about it. I only work with those who don't!
Sarah,
a Davis Caterer
The
biggest issue is the endless flow of wedding obligations and mandates, the
prewedding parties, gifts, and expenses for attendants, like the dresses.
The
food
never seems to taste good or reflect the couple or their families. Plus, it is the same wedding repeatedly. Boring.
Richard,
a Davis Coffee Buddy With a List of Complaints
There
seems to be no end to the tributes, mostly to the bride, at rehearsal dinners. Super boring and gets worse as the evening wears
on probably due to drinking.
Guests
don't RSVP to the wedding.
And
the biggie of all wedding gripes is the cake cutting ceremony where the bride/groom
stuff cake into each other's mouth. This is so tacky but almost universally the
practice.
Ashley,
a Young Bride and Professional Baker
The
cutting fee at venues! I have to pay a per-person charge if I bring in a cake I create. Jeez.
Raquel
a Davis Local
Couples
who don't notify their guests when it may be difficult to walk at the
venue. She attended a wedding where
guests had to park on a hill, walk in gravel and thistles, and then sit on a
hill in the sun during the wedding. Many
of the guests were elderly.
Ted
from Facebook
My
biggest gripe regards some people who attended my wedding. They opened my eyes to the fact that many
tend to be disrespectful to certain cultural or religious traditions (or
really, any tradition that might be of import to the bride and groom). For example, my wife and I were interrupted
during our Yichud. Very impolite.
Tradition
Explanation
With
Yichud—the "ch" is pronounced like the "ch" in
"chumus," not "chewing gum"—right after the wedding ceremony,
the bride and groom are supposed to go into a private space for a period to be
together for the first time as husband and wife. (Just talking, reflecting,
breaking their fast, nothing racy.) As a
precaution, you might ask someone to guard the space so people don't come
barging in.
Well,
at my Jewish wedding, I had my best man guarding the door. Yet both an aunt and our photographer
insisted on interrupting our Yichud. The aunt simply could not wait to collect
a jacket she'd left in the bride's dressing area and the photographer just
wanted to get more shots. They were both fully unapologetic, too.
Various Complaints
Most
suggested that wishing wells, card boxes, and the money dance, unless part of
the culture of the family, are all above and beyond tacky and greedy. Additionally, pressuring friends and family
to attend a destination wedding when it is expensive to do so is also widely
mentioned.
Wrapping Up
Please
remember, always, that when we invite, we host.
Our wedding guests are simply that, our guests. They deserve to be treated as special.
For example, when we invite single young men, we should remember that they
typically have very healthy appetites so we would plan to serve hefty
portions. We also shouldn't expect our older,
more fragile guests, to stand or to walk through uneven areas for the
wedding. Our guests deserve better.
More
by The Polite One
How to
determine wedding formality?
Is it proper
to have a male as the bride’s attendant?
How to convey
to guests that they must pay for their wedding reception meals?
Is it common
to be invited to a wedding reception beginning at 9 pm?
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