Skip to main content

Wedding Gripes and Opinions

 wedding rings

To say that weddings have become more than just uniting two people is an understatement.  Weddings are big business these days.  Because of this, the simple ceremony where two people and their families gather to join in marriage has become this mammoth event with a life of its own.  

So, many times and for many people, weddings have become a colossal headache, with unrealistic expectations, debt, and hurt feelings all around.  And, for what? To have the "perfect" wedding (whatever that is), to pretend to be a princess for a day, or to just please mothers who want to be that perfect little princess vicariously through their daughters?  It can be exhausting. 

And how do guests and attendants feel about the current wedding climate?  How do they feel about the endless wedding-related events, gifts, and expectations?  What are their gripes and feelings about the all-important day to play dress-up, better known as the wedding?  

It may sound as if I'm completely against grandiose weddings, but I'm not.  Really.  I feel that people should have what they want if it doesn't hurt or offend anyone.  For the most part, I'm simply an observer.  I observe human interaction, and behavior, and try to understand it.   Some of the wedding craze, the event-of-the-century type of wedding expectation is difficult to fit into my aging brain. 

Does anyone do simple anymore? (smile)  

I wondered how my fellow citizens felt, so I rose out of my writing chair to venture out into the vastness of my city to ask your opinions.  This is what you've told me.  Oh!  Thank you, by the way.

Your Wedding Gripes

Sasha, a Young Davis Mother

Couples don't seem to acknowledge guests anymore.  It costs so much to attend a wedding, and it seems that the couple is only interested in posing.  It's as if they could care less if I'm there or not.

Liam From Twitter

Overpriced and there is blind adherence to traditions that neither the groom nor bride really want.

Walethia From Twitter

Most never start on time.

Yasmine From Twitter

My biggest gripes are venues and vendors who try to take advantage, especially those who are blatant about it. I only work with those who don't!

Sarah, a Davis Caterer

The biggest issue is the endless flow of wedding obligations and mandates, the prewedding parties, gifts, and expenses for attendants, like the dresses.

The food never seems to taste good or reflect the couple or their families.  Plus, it is the same wedding repeatedly.  Boring. 

Richard, a Davis Coffee Buddy With a List of Complaints

There seems to be no end to the tributes, mostly to the bride, at rehearsal dinners.  Super boring and gets worse as the evening wears on probably due to drinking. 

Guests don't RSVP to the wedding.   

And the biggie of all wedding gripes is the cake cutting ceremony where the bride/groom stuff cake into each other's mouth. This is so tacky but almost universally the practice.

Ashley, a Young Bride and Professional Baker

The cutting fee at venues!  I have to pay a per-person charge if I bring in a cake I create.  Jeez.

Raquel a Davis Local

Couples who don't notify their guests when it may be difficult to walk at the venue.  She attended a wedding where guests had to park on a hill, walk in gravel and thistles, and then sit on a hill in the sun during the wedding.  Many of the guests were elderly. 

Ted from Facebook

My biggest gripe regards some people who attended my wedding.  They opened my eyes to the fact that many tend to be disrespectful to certain cultural or religious traditions (or really, any tradition that might be of import to the bride and groom).   For example, my wife and I were interrupted during our Yichud.  Very impolite

Tradition Explanation

With Yichud—the "ch" is pronounced like the "ch" in "chumus," not "chewing gum"—right after the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom are supposed to go into a private space for a period to be together for the first time as husband and wife. (Just talking, reflecting, breaking their fast, nothing racy.)  As a precaution, you might ask someone to guard the space so people don't come barging in.

Well, at my Jewish wedding, I had my best man guarding the door.  Yet both an aunt and our photographer insisted on interrupting our Yichud. The aunt simply could not wait to collect a jacket she'd left in the bride's dressing area and the photographer just wanted to get more shots. They were both fully unapologetic, too.

Various Complaints

Most suggested that wishing wells, card boxes, and the money dance, unless part of the culture of the family, are all above and beyond tacky and greedy.  Additionally, pressuring friends and family to attend a destination wedding when it is expensive to do so is also widely mentioned.

Wrapping Up

Please remember, always, that when we invite, we host.  Our wedding guests are simply that, our guests.  They deserve to be treated as special. 

For example, when we invite single young men, we should remember that they typically have very healthy appetites so we would plan to serve hefty portions.  We also shouldn't expect our older, more fragile guests, to stand or to walk through uneven areas for the wedding.   Our guests deserve better.

More by The Polite One 

How to determine wedding formality?

Is it proper to have a male as the bride’s attendant?

How to convey to guests that they must pay for their wedding reception meals?

Is it common to be invited to a wedding reception beginning at 9 pm?

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom.  When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding?  Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions .  So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day.  Dancing isn’t that important.  However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you.  That may seem awkward.  The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

  Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club.  Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework!  You are absolutely correct about your attire choice.  Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter.  FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts .   All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story.     With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding.   Often, this is not the case.   Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...