We often consider
domestic abuse as a problem couples have—too many, in fact—but, probably not
surprisingly, abusive
parents are just as common. When this is
an issue, the child victims are, understandably, traumatized for life. Still, when we have a major life event, we
may feel the pull to involve that parent.
Should we? How do we respond to those asking about that parent when not
invited?
Dear Polite One,
My mother is an abusive
drug addict, so I do not associate with her.
Thus, she is not invited to my wedding.
What can I say to those asking about my family? I have none besides her, so there will be no
family on my side of the aisle. Also, how
do I word the program? For "seating of the mothers" I have
nothing to say.
Trying to Appear Calm
Dear Trying to Appear
Calm,
Unfortunately, your
situation is not uncommon, although I wish it were.
When guests ask about
your mother or family, don't say much at all.
Just state that it's best she isn't here and then smile. This is an indication that the subject is
closed.
Alternately, there is
an even better response that your guests may appreciate greatly. While gesturing to all your guests, your response
could be, “I choose my family members and they are all here today.”
If you are printing the
programs yourself, eliminate the sections about your mother. If not, request that it is. If that isn't possible, an honored guest
could take the place, such as: Honored Guest, Jane Wu.
Please, know that you
are doing the right
thing by living life in your image of calm and respect. We cannot
change abusive people. We can only protect ourselves from
them.
Congratulations on your
wedding and the beginning of your next chapter.
Sincerely,
The Polite One
More from The Polite
One
When and
Where to Seat and Sit
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