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4 Tips for the Mother of the Groom

Etiquette advice for the mother of the groom

Wedding Etiquette for the Other Mother

Traditionally, the mother of the bride has reigned queen, as the second most important person of the bridal party.  She and her daughter had complete control of nearly all wedding planning preparations.  And now we move into another era.

Most weddings are planned and executed differently today with the bride and groom in the driver’s seat.  Isn't this how it should be?  After all, the couple is marrying, not the mother to her daughter. 

Still, the role of mother of the bride plays a sacred role.  She is the last person seated before the wedding procession begins.  And many times, she is her daughter's escort.  However, there are at least two mothers involved here: what about the mother of the groom?  Often, she may feel left out and confused about her role in the modern wedding. 

Let's address some of that confusion with answers to her wedding etiquette questions from The Polite One.  

Dear Polite One,

My son is getting married for the second time. It is his bride's first.  As parents of the groom, what are our monetary obligations? Does it matter that we already contributed for his first wedding?

Already Contributed

Dear Already Contributed,

You are not obligated to contribute anything except your congratulations.  Parents are no longer financially obligated for their children's weddings.  Of course, that also means that parents have no planning or inviting rights as well, even if they do contribute.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One,

My son is getting married at 2 p.m.; what length dress would be most appropriate?

Attire Concerns

Dear Attire Concerns,

It really depends on the formality of the event.  Usually, daytime weddings are less formal than those held in the evening.  However, there are exceptions, like Catholic weddings.  These are typically held in the afternoon and are formal.  Consequently, it is best to consider all variables. 

However, you are expected to coordinate with the bride's mother, while not dressing more formally than she does.  So, it is best to contact her directly or ask your son to find out. 

Mother Wedding Attire No-Nos

  • Strapless gowns
  • Revealing attire
  • Bright colors, especially red

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One,

Since the bride's shower is out of town, is it required that I attend?  It's just so expensive to fly, and I would also have to travel by myself since no other family members can attend with me.  Plus, we will be flying our entire family out of town for the wedding in just a few weeks. 

It's wonderful that I am included, and I plan to send a proper gift.  Still, I don't want to offend the bride by not attending.  She and her mother said they would love to have me attend, but they would understand if I could not. 

Please offer some proper etiquette advice.

Mother of the Groom

Dear Mother of the Groom,

This is not a problem and is very common.  When from out of town, it is not necessary for mothers to attend.  In fact, a gift isn't obligatory as well.  However, for parents, there tends to be a shower gift expectation these days.  Gift expectation isn't something I subscribe to, but many others do.  Hence, it's probably best to send one. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One,

We are paying 1/3 of our son's wedding expenses per his insistence.  The invitations just arrived, and we were not listed as hosts.  Shouldn't we have been?  The bride's parents were.

Unlisted

Dear Unlisted,

Ouch!  I'm sorry your son and his fiancé didn't know any better.  In the first place, they shouldn't have requested that you pay for any part of their wedding.  Your son could have asked if you might want to, but to insist ... not polite. 

Yes, your names should be listed on the invitation as hosts directly under the parents of the bride.  However, knowing this doesn't help you or make the situation any better.  It may be best to discuss this with your son privately.  He can't change what has transpired.  However, he might be able to avoid any further missteps. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Please Read

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

Wedding Complications Q & A: Ignoring Groom's Parents

5 Top Wedding Invitations Questions, Plus One


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