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What to Do When Wedding Guests Invite Guests

Shocked woman

Dear Polite One,

I found your site on Google and feel you could answer a sticky question regarding wedding etiquette.  My niece is getting married and has limited seating at the reception.  Invitations were sent out for the number of seats available. 

The RSVP cards are now coming back with acceptance for more than were invited.  For example, if the invitation was for Miss Smith, Miss Smith responded for herself and a guest. Another example is Mr. & Mrs. John Doe responded with Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and Johnny (the son). 

How is the mother of the bride supposed to handle these rsvps for people who were not initially invited on the invitation?  Thank you for your response to this sticky situation.

Susan

Dear Susan, 

This is a common problem with no real answer.  We use the inner envelopes so we can write exactly who is invited yet our guest insists on adding their own names to the response card.  My job is to tell you to grin and bear it because that is the proper etiquette as hosts.  However, you do not have room for these added guests.   

The best way to deal with this problem, and we are stretching etiquette boundaries, is for someone close to the bride, such as you, to contact these offenders and tell them that only those on the invitation can attend the wedding because there is not enough room.  You could say something like the bride was so distraught over this because she wanted to accommodate the extra people but cannot.  So, you told her not to worry about it, that you would take care of it.  This approach just may gain sympathy for the bride. 

I really wish this wouldn't happen so often.  This places so much of a strain on everyone. 

Good luck with the calling!

Sincerely,

Rebecca

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