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Invite Non-Wedding Guests to a Summer Supper?

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Dear Polite One,

The attendants for my niece's wedding do not live near our family nor the wedding site, so none can host a shower for her.  Also, the wedding will be very small.  So, it will not include a lot of nearby family members.

The bride really would like a shower.  I would like to host a shower for her but have been told it is not proper manners.  Could I call this party a summer supper instead, inviting all those not invited to the wedding?

Aunt

Dear Aunt,

The bride shouldn't request a shower from anyone, it must be offered.  More importantly, only those invited to the wedding may be invited to a shower or any other prewedding party.  Changing the name of the event doesn't change that rule.  It's considered insulting to be invited to a prewedding party and not the wedding.   

Family should not host a shower, plus it is a small wedding.  So, it is best if no one hosted her shower.  It would be like asking each wedding guest for two wedding gifts. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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