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What to do About Disruptive Co-Maid of Honor?

Angry; woman; abusive woman

Dear Polite One, 

My daughter's wedding is in 45 days.  Originally, she only wanted her best friend to be MOH but knew another friend would be upset if not chosen. Her solution was to make them co-maids of honor.

This past month "Vicky" has been disruptive to the entire process. She screamed at the seamstress just because she did not use a tape measure, told her that she was stupid and didn't know anything.  This behavior persisted while shopping because one of the registry items was not available.  Worse, this is the store my daughter worked for two years.  Then came the shower this past weekend. She and the other MOH did the planning and buying.  She also chose not to contact any of the other four bridesmaids for help or money for the food they purchased.

The shower was more than uncomfortable.  Vicky sulked the entire time.  When my daughter-in-law, also a bridesmaid asked if she could help in the kitchen, she was told not to bother her.  When she went to thank her at the end of the party, Vicky replied with rude comments.

Suffice to say this was only the beginning, she insulted the future MIL and her sister.  At the end of the event, the other MOH took her to task for her behavior. She exploded at all of them, bride, MOH, and the two BM.

Wisely, my daughter has asked her to step down from the wedding party.  Vicky had nothing to say, until today.  Knowing my daughter was at work and her cell phone would not be on, she left her two messages. The first to say that since the bridal party gives the shower and she is no longer a member, she wants to be reimbursed for the $100 she spent on food.

The second question was that she wanted to be reimbursed for the altered MOH dress, shoes, and the bridal shower party favors.  And since no one wanted to hang around to play anymore games, she is stuck with them.

So my question is, is my daughter responsible to reimburse her for her dress and shoes?  If so, as my daughter stated that she wants these items since she is paid for more than half the dresses in the first place.

Now the really hard part, her mother is my best friend since high school.

Good Grief!!

Thanks,

Jean

Dear Jean,

Whew!  That’s a mess.

I don't know how this will affect your relationship with your friend, but I agree this little girl should take responsibility for her behavior.  She needs a lot of help.  Yikes! 

Your daughter is not responsible for Vicky's costs especially since she verbally abused everyone.  This a valid reason for asking her to step down.  It is amazing she lasted this long.  And no, she is not to be reimbursed for her costs for the bridal shower.  The other bridesmaids had to agree to the costs and asked to contribute before the shower.  So, they are not obligated to pay unless they want to.  Many do not realize this and think that it is the attendant's duty to pay for the shower.  It isn't.

Vicky keeps the items she paid for.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

More by The Polite One

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