How to convey to guests that they must pay for their wedding reception meals?

Hi Polite One,

My boss is getting married and is planning a small wedding with a dinner reception for about 60 people. She wants to let guests know that they will be responsible for the cost of their own dinner.

How would you word that on an invite? Is that tacky? It is a second marriage for both. She just does not want to spend thousands on food. I have looked in etiquette books and find nothing. It looks like it just isn't done.

Can you advise?

Thank you

Assistant

Dear Assistant,

That is not only tacky it is incredibly impolite. We never invite guests to a party for which they are expected to provide. And this is a reception? The couple is responsible to cover all costs.

The very simple and fair rule is: you invite, you pay. So, if she doesn’t want to spend money, she shouldn’t invite guests—a very simple solution. If she wants to host some sort of party, she could provide a simple reception. It would have to be hosted at a time when guests would not expect a meal.

Additionally, she may need to know that their guests are not obligated to give gifts for the reception.

Invitations never include information about the dinner or gifts.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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