Are wishing wells and attendants proper for a vow renewal?

Dear Polite One,

My sister is renewing her vows after two years of marriage. Since she didn't get any pictures of the first wedding – snowstorm – she feels that she can have the full wedding and reception with limo and pictures. When asked, she states that this is only a blessing of her marriage vows.

The problem is that she expects me to be one of her attendants, traveling all over for pictures and hosting parties for her. I have a health issue that requires rest. This is impossible for me.

Also, she is including a wishing well at the wedding site and two at the reception site. What type of gift should I give? I don't have extra cash to toss in the box.

Tired Sis

Dear Tired Sis,

This is not a gift-giving event, so you are not obligated to give her one, especially cash. This is not a wedding, so there should be no attendants. This should be a ceremony for only her and her husband.

Wishing wells are very tacky and impolite. It is like begging for money from your guests. Some of this is cultural and I am sensitive to the fact that we are all coming to the table from different directions, but mainstream etiquette is followed by most.

Don't feel obligated to participate in this train wreck.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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