Interview: What are the Wedding Etiquette Differences Encore Couples Face? Page Two

Marrying again and the challenges it may have.

Q: Are there special issues for widows who remarry, such as continuing to use your late husband's name if that's what you are known by professionally, or changing your name on deeds, bank accounts, etc.

A: Most importantly, the widowed who are remarrying should attempt to assuage angst some may be feeling about the upcoming nuptials.

She could use her previous husband’s name, but out of respect for her new husband, it is usually most polite for her to move on completely. He will be living in the shadow of her former husband in so many respects anyway and the name would be a constant reminder. This isn’t to say that women must change their names once they marry. Of course, she could use her maiden name.

Advice about changing her name on documents is not within my skill set.

Q: What are appropriate gifts and activities for a second marriage, such as an engagement party or bridal shower.

A: Many encore couples are foregoing gift-giving showers, as are many first-time brides. It really doesn’t make sense anymore. But they may often host an engagement party for themselves—sans gifts of course.

The couple should never host any gift-giving event for themselves, besides their wedding. Although, guests who gave a gift for a previous wedding are off the hook.

If any guests wish to give a gift, it can be the same sort of gift they would give to a first-time wedding couple. These gifts should thoughtful gifts based on our knowledge of the couple.

The bachelor and bachelorette parties just don’t seem appropriate for the encore couple, after all, they have been married before. So, one last night as a single person happened a long time ago.

Q: Do generational attitudes about second marriages differ?

A: Perhaps in some regions here in the U.S. but all in all, most people don’t consider it an issue unless one member appears to be a serial marrier.

Please Read

Encore Wedding Planning and Gift Q & A

Encore Wedding Planning

Encore Wedding Guest Tips: Avoid Rolling Eyes and Whispering

Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests what is typically expected at

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a neighborhood park.

Should the Wedding Gift Cover the Cost of the Plate?

Hi Polite One, I need help. My step-cousin recently married. She is close with my parents, but not so much with me. Not because of anything bad, we just sort of lost touch, we just never see each other. In fact, I only see her once a year at Christmas. She comes from a wealthy family and her wedding was extremely lavish. I'm guessing minimum $300-$500 per plate. I was invited to the wedding with a guest and was concerned because I barely had the money to attend the wedding ( dress , shoes, etc.), let alone give a gift. My family is all about monetary gifts (always cash or check). My parents were insisting that I needed to cover the cost of my plate which was more than 2 weeks of my pay. I wanted to decline because I couldn't afford to go and was embarrassed. My parents insisted that it was family and that was not an option. I was told to do whatever I needed to do to get a dress, shoes, and cash gift to cover my plate. Because of the pressure, I responded that I would

Got Wedding Etiquette?

Search This Blog