Oh Please Stop! A Wife is Not a Bride.

Serial Weddings for the Same Couple is Not Polite...or nice

“What’s the point?” Vicky asks her fiancé when he suggests they marry privately in Barcelona and follow up with a formal affair back home. Of course, in this movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the reason for her question was a reluctance to say, “I do.” But it is a valid question for all of us, as it isn’t logical and from an etiquette viewpoint is as improper as one can get.

However, with so many celebrity couples opting for multiple wedding ceremonies – to the same people – the average person might assume that this practice is now, not only the “popular” new expression of love but appropriate, which it is neither. Basically, it is most impolite to guests who might consider this a real wedding and feel the need to give a gift. This often results in guests, even family, viewing this as a blatant grab since a wedding is a gift-giving event and the vow renewal is not.

For those of us who offer professional etiquette advice, this behavior makes it difficult. Day after day emails stream in asking questions related to the “second” wedding ceremony: “Is it a vow renewal, or is it a wedding?”

Obviously, it can’t be a wedding if the couple is already married, because really, how can a wife really be a bride? And what could a newly married couple have to renew?

Please Read

Vow Renewal Etiquette Made Easy

Benchmark Anniversary and Vow Renewal Tips

4 Tips to Prevent Bridal Shower Craziness

Comments

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today. Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal. Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have th...

When and Where to Seat and Sit

Playing Musical Chairs With Parents Dear Polite One, On the day of the wedding when it becomes time to seat the parents of the bride and groom, who sits first and last especially when dealing with stepparents? Me First Dear Me First , We have more parental issues to deal with these days than we did in the past. In fact, more weddings are encore wedding than first, which reflects this trend. So, to keep everyone happy and separate, we seat parents in this order: Groom’s father and stepmother (third row); Bride’s father and stepmother (third row); Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row); Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row). If everyone is on friendly terms, all parents may sit in the front row in the given order. The stepparents follow the person escorting parents to their seats. Sincerely, The Polite One Seating Chart Dilemma Dear Polite One, I'm working ...

Wedding Etiquette 101: Wedding Gift Etiquette Advice for Guests

Gift Registries, Cash Gifts, Group Gifts… Oh My! As an etiquette expert, I answer etiquette questions every day. Many of those concern wedding etiquette, especially when it involves giving gifts. This isn’t much of a surprise when the latest data provided by Forbes shows that the typical wedding guest spends approximately $673 just for the honor of attending. Of course, this data includes an expensive mix of lodging and childcare. However, attending the shower, bachelor, and bachelorette parties contributes much of this sum as well. Follow along as I share my answers to actual wedding gift etiquette questions. Q : Must I buy the gift from the registry? The couple registered at a higher-end department store with items such as a $300 espresso machine. I know the bride loves her mochas, but that’s a bit pricy for me. If I find the same machine at a discount store, can I purchase it there? A : There is nothing...

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