Oh Please Stop! A Wife is Not a Bride.

Serial Weddings for the Same Couple is Not Polite...or nice

“What’s the point?” Vicky asks her fiancé when he suggests they marry privately in Barcelona and follow up with a formal affair back home. Of course, in this movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the reason for her question was a reluctance to say, “I do.” But it is a valid question for all of us, as it isn’t logical and from an etiquette viewpoint is as improper as one can get.

However, with so many celebrity couples opting for multiple wedding ceremonies – to the same people – the average person might assume that this practice is now, not only the “popular” new expression of love but appropriate, which it is neither. Basically, it is most impolite to guests who might consider this a real wedding and feel the need to give a gift. This often results in guests, even family, viewing this as a blatant grab since a wedding is a gift-giving event and the vow renewal is not.

For those of us who offer professional etiquette advice, this behavior makes it difficult. Day after day emails stream in asking questions related to the “second” wedding ceremony: “Is it a vow renewal, or is it a wedding?”

Obviously, it can’t be a wedding if the couple is already married, because really, how can a wife really be a bride? And what could a newly married couple have to renew?

Please Read

Vow Renewal Etiquette Made Easy

Benchmark Anniversary and Vow Renewal Tips

4 Tips to Prevent Bridal Shower Craziness

Comments

4 of the Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

After decades of answering etiquette questions, especially about weddings, I’d like to share a few of those questions that represent the majority of concerns. Q: Is an invited coworker obligated to spend a certain amount? I'm going to both the wedding shower and the wedding. Should I buy both gifts off the registry? A: Unfortunately, yes. This is one of the biggest reasons I feel that the gift-less wedding shower is the smartest route for us to follow today. Why should the couple receive more than one gift per guest? It just doesn't make any sense and isn't fair to guests. Q : Registries feel so impersonal. Is there any way to make it more personal? A: I honestly can't think of any way to make a registry more personal. If a couple decides to register, they should choose items from the low end of the price range as well as the bigger ticket items, so the list doesn't appear to be a greed-fest. Unfortunately, it can have th...

When and Where to Seat and Sit

Playing Musical Chairs With Parents Dear Polite One, On the day of the wedding when it becomes time to seat the parents of the bride and groom, who sits first and last especially when dealing with stepparents? Me First Dear Me First , We have more parental issues to deal with these days than we did in the past. In fact, more weddings are encore wedding than first, which reflects this trend. So, to keep everyone happy and separate, we seat parents in this order: Groom’s father and stepmother (third row); Bride’s father and stepmother (third row); Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row); Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row). If everyone is on friendly terms, all parents may sit in the front row in the given order. The stepparents follow the person escorting parents to their seats. Sincerely, The Polite One Seating Chart Dilemma Dear Polite One, I'm working ...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

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