What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest?

Dear Polite One,

Please help me! I am from Baltimore and wedding attire is very black and white for me, except when I attend weddings for my husband's clan out in the Midwest. They break every rule of etiquette that I have ever known.

I always feel so out of place dressing down as they do, or up at an inappropriate hour. It has never really been a problem until now because I blend into the crowd, but this time my husband is in the bridal party, and he will be wearing a tuxedo at two in the afternoon!

The wedding is in November. Only the bride is Catholic, so there will be a Mass. Which typically signals me to dress it up right there. But they, no kidding, wear jeans to Mass. I am so confused, not only about my dress, but also my jewelry. Are my diamonds okay?

Here is what I know, the bride has a very elegant Swarovski crystal embossed dress, and the bridal color is red. Dinner is a buffet, and there is a cocktail hour. It appears she may be trying to go formal but just missed a few marks. I want to blend in, but not appear to be clueless. Please help me!

Thank you in advance,

Formal East Coast Meets Very Informal Midwest

Dear Formal East Coast Meets Very Informal Midwest,

Unfortunately, many people tell me the very same thing about certain parts of our country. It is comical too because etiquette writers offer the same advice for the entire country with few variants. It would seem that at least a few would read one of the books. Oh well. At least they enjoy what they do.

From your description of events, it appears a nice skirt suit may bridge the gap with this one. More than likely, you will be more formally dressed than most, but not too formal. Plus, this attire is flattering for most of us.

Don’t try to dress as formally as your husband, because he is part of the bridal party. It is expected that you would dress as one of the guests…well, one not in jeans.

Your diamonds are fine.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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