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Interview: What are the Wedding Etiquette Differences Encore Couples Face?

Encore wedding couples, children of former marriage

Requests for expert input are common for etiquette professionals.  What follows is an interview that, unfortunately, never resulted in publication.  The journalist asked interesting questions.  I was pleased to use some of what I learned in my many Psychology classes.  Please read on.

Q: What are some of the psychological, social, and practical issues of remarriage, including the best approach in telling your former spouse's family and your own of your plans.

A: In the past, many felt that a failed marriage was a negative and a personal failure—somewhat akin to a character flaw.  This was especially true when it came to an encore wedding.  

Today, there’s no stigma.  Most do not judge a person who is remarrying.  But there are considerations to the encore wedding that we don’t typically have for the first wedding. 

If there are children from a former marriage, they should be informed privately before any others.  If close to the ex’s family, they can be told directly after the couple informs their family.  If they are not close, there is no reason to tell them.  

Q: Should invitations, dress, even the size, and type of wedding differ in a second marriage and if so, how? Are those choices age-related?  Does it differ if someone is widowed rather than divorced?

A: Encore weddings may be as elaborate as first-time weddings.  But it appears more respectful to guests who may have walked down this aisle before with a member of the encore couple to try to tone it down if this is a third, fourth… wedding. 

Attire is a consideration for older brides.  The gown should always be age-appropriate.  She should avoid looking like someone trying to relive her prom. 

As for those who have divorced or have been widowed?  An encore wedding is the same.  The couple should just avoid duplicating any part of the previous wedding in both cases. 

The only concern for the widowed is that some may be comparing the “new” choice or may feel uncomfortable with the widower marrying again.  So, she/he should try discussing this with those guests before the wedding if this appears to be a problem.   

Please Read On


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