Interview: What are the Wedding Etiquette Differences Encore Couples Face?

Encore wedding couples, children of former marriage

Requests for expert input are common for etiquette professionals. What follows is an interview that, unfortunately, never resulted in publication. The journalist asked interesting questions. I was pleased to use some of what I learned in my many Psychology classes. Please read on.

Q: What are some of the psychological, social, and practical issues of remarriage, including the best approach in telling your former spouse's family and your own of your plans.

A: In the past, many felt that a failed marriage was a negative and a personal failure—somewhat akin to a character flaw. This was especially true when it came to an encore wedding.

Today, there’s no stigma. Most do not judge a person who is remarrying. But there are considerations to the encore wedding that we don’t typically have for the first wedding.

If there are children from a former marriage, they should be informed privately before any others. If close to the ex’s family, they can be told directly after the couple informs their family. If they are not close, there is no reason to tell them.

Q: Should invitations, dress, even the size, and type of wedding differ in a second marriage and if so, how? Are those choices age-related? Does it differ if someone is widowed rather than divorced?

A: Encore weddings may be as elaborate as first-time weddings. But it appears more respectful to guests who may have walked down this aisle before with a member of the encore couple to try to tone it down if this is a third, fourth… wedding.

Attire is a consideration for older brides. The gown should always be age-appropriate. She should avoid looking like someone trying to relive her prom.

As for those who have divorced or have been widowed? An encore wedding is the same. The couple should just avoid duplicating any part of the previous wedding in both cases.

The only concern for the widowed is that some may be comparing the “new” choice or may feel uncomfortable with the widower marrying again. So, she/he should try discussing this with those guests before the wedding if this appears to be a problem.

Please Read On

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Comments

Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception

Dear Polite One, I've always dreamt that my wedding reception would be alcohol and dance-free - except for the first dance of the bride and groom. When running the idea past a few people they seemed shocked that I've taken out both of these elements and are making me doubt my idea . The wedding will be in the evening, and then dinner. Is there a steadfast rule that there must be alcohol and dance at a wedding? Isn't a nice dinner enough? And what things could be added to make it fun for the guests? Thank you, Visitor from Yorkton Saskatchewan Dear Yorkton Saskatchewan, People typically expect alcohol with their dinner at evening wedding receptions . So, it would probably be better if this were held earlier in the day. Dancing isn’t that important. However, it is better to skip all dances, rather than just the one dance with you. That may seem awkward. The only hard and fast rule is that we, as hosts, offer our guests wha...

Do I wear nylons with strappy sandals for a fall evening wedding?

Dear Polite One, From what I have read on your site, I should wear a cocktail (little black dress or equivalent) to a fall evening wedding at a golf country club. Do, I need to wear nylons with my strappy sandals? Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin Dear Wedding Newbie in Wisconsin, Bravo on doing your attire homework! You are absolutely correct about your attire choice. Nylons aren't nearly as popular or expected due to our love of sandals. Strappy sandals look splendid with nice dresses, even in the winter. FYI: It is a faux pas to wear nylons with open-toed shoes. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to dress for a wedding as "the second wife"? How to Dress for Formal Wedding in New York ? What to wear to a formal evening wedding in Napa?

Anti-Clueless Advice: What to Wear and What Gifts to Give

How to Decode the Dress Code and to Give the Right Gift Many questions I receive as an etiquette consultant are from wedding guests. Guests are especially concerned with what they should wear and what they should give as gifts . All who contact me are deeply worried about committing any type of faux pas, as many weddings tend to be surrounded by drama these days. For example, one guest shared that the bride called fuming that the gift she shipped to the bride's home was inadequate, so she returned it to the store for cash—true story. With crazy, hurtful behavior like that, it is no wonder wedding guests are apprehensive about wedding guest protocol. How do we know what to wear to a wedding? Wedding invitations are supposed to help guests understand the formality of a wedding. Often, this is not the case. Here is a real-life example: a guest received an invitation of heavy-weight paper indicating a formal wedding, but the location listed was a...

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