Got Wedding Etiquette?

  Dear Polite One, Please help me!  I am a plus-size Mom, and I have been having a hard time finding a gown that I like.  I went shopping yesterday and found an exquisite black gown.  The saleswoman assured me that it is fine to wear black these days and I have special ordered the gown.  When I arrived home and told my daughter, she told me that it is still considered a faux pas .    Please help.   Is this true Distressed Mom Dear Distressed Mom, If the wedding is more formal, you are fine.  Black is so in now and is no longer a faux pas.  If your daughter is still having a difficult time believing, send her to me or perhaps you could suggest any etiquette book.  There is a lot of etiquette involved in planning a wedding and so few study it. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Is a Pantsuit for Informal Wedding Okay? What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course?

  Dear Polite One, I am invited to a wedding.   Not certain about my attire . My favorite option is a beautiful new silk pantsuit.   The top is blue and has some embroidery along the front on each side.  The pants are white.    Would this be appropriate to wear with white shoes to a 4:00 pm wedding? Please help me. Informal Garden Wedding Dear Informal Garden Wedding, Since the wedding isn’t too formal, you should be fine.  This attire works for most weddings. Enjoy! The Polite One More by The Polite One What to Wear for a Country Club Wedding ? What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course? What to Wear: Outdoor Wedding in Alberta

  Dear Polite One, I am a bit confused as to what to wear for an outdoor wedding in the early afternoon in October, in Alberta. The groom is wearing a kilt and the best man (my other brother) is wearing a suit.   The matron of honor is wearing a silk dress but am not sure of the length. There will be a piper, but no minister. My husband, siblings with spouses, and I are also invited to a dinner the night before, and for two breakfasts the day of the wedding at the Lodge. It is a very small wedding and I think it is casual, but have I never been to a weekend wedding before. My brother is a man of few words, and it is important to him that we get it right, but he's not very helpful.   This may be because the bride and her very proper mother are doing most of the planning. Thanks for any advice you can give.   Wedding in Alberta Dear Wedding in Alberta, I would dress as if I was going to a nice country club for lunch.   So, it would probably be bes...

Dear Polite One, My husband and I are going to a 7:00pm beach wedding in August.   The location is a beach club in Nags Head North Carolina.    As a guest, I am not sure what is appropriate to wear .  The reception follows the ceremony at the club.  Please help!  Thank you!  Serena Dear Serena, This typically calls for cocktail attire, which is a suit for your husband and the little black dress (or its equivalent) for you. Enjoy! The Polite One More by The Polite One What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course? Anti-Clueless Advice: 3 Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered Wedding Etiquette Attire Interview: What are Today's Taboos?

  Dear Polite One, I could not find "semi-formal" and “business casual” in your article on dress codes.  My nephew says his wedding is "semi-formal" but I don't think that is what he means.  Can you help? Beth Dear Beth , Semi-formal is the most confusing dress code because it can mean different things depending on the occasion.  For example, semi-formal for a ball may mean party dresses with lots of material.  Still, in most cases, it means a suit for men and a cocktail dress for women—the little black dress or its equivalent.  Cocktail attire is a much better dress code for weddings , although this can never be written on invitations.  Only ‘formal’ or ‘black tie’ is written on wedding and reception invitations.  Business casual is also elusive.  It means high-quality clothing that is more casual and suitable for work settings.  Typically, this is slacks such as dockers with polos and shoes that require polishing for men....

Dear Polite One, We have been invited to a weekend Champagne brunch. The hostess has asked that the men wear "proper white attire". What exactly would you conclude he wears ? Does this mean white pants, white shirt? Or nice casual slacks and a white shirt? We don't want to appear unsophisticated either showing up inappropriately dressed or ask the hostess for an explanation. Please help. J.L. Dear J.L., This is an old-fashion dress code indicating the attire expected when playing croquet: white linen suit.  It could be slacks and jacket in white as well.  But these days it is difficult to know for sure, because many, especially young people, are using the dress code to mean fashionable white night-on-the-town clothing.  The look is very sheik.  I would go with white suit or jacket and slacks. Alternately, you could call the couple and ask for clarification.  The couple just may want that old-fashion look. Sincerely, The Polite One More by ...

Dear Polite One, I have been invited to a wedding in July. The expected attire listed on the invitation is "after five attire " Help me out here. Best Regards, Joe Dear Joe, For those wedding couples reading my reply: This information shouldn't have been included on an invitation.   Sorry.   Only formal or black tie is mentioned.   Typically, 'after five' means sport jackets and slacks.   Depending on the venue it could also mean suits.   Still, 'cocktail attire' is typically mentioned for this time.   Adding is all up, my best guess is to dress in attire you would wear to the very nicest restaurant, add a jacket and you will be fine. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to Wear for Outdoor Summer Wedding in SC What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest? What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course?

  Dear Polite One, I am invited to an outdoor summer wedding, 5:00 in the afternoon, Kiawah Island, SC, probably very warm or hot!   Is it appropriate to wear a long skirt (very nice!) and open sandals?  Or, because it IS a wedding, something more formal?  Appreciate your reply. Thank you, Dianne Dear Dianne , For an outdoor wedding , your outfit sounds perfect if it appears to be a summer version of cocktail attire.  The top shouldn’t be too revealing and no red.  Red is the only taboo color these days.  Enjoy! The Polite One More by The Polite One What to Wear to a Wedding on Mackinac Island? What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest? What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course?

  Dear Polite One, We are invited to a wedding on July 8 on Mackinac Island in Michigan. I’ve never heard of the dress code choice on the invitation.   Dress Code: Formal Garden Attire What exactly does this mean for my husband and me?  Thank you! Joan Dear Joan , Don’t you just love it when hosts create these confusing dress code names when there are appropriate dress codes available??  In fact, this one shouldn’t even be listed on a wedding invitation.  Sigh. Only black tie and formal are supposed to be listed.  That said, I suppose this isn’t too difficult and not far from being proper.  Most likely, this attire is simply formal attire that we would typically wear for this venue and time of day, which is a cocktail dress and suit.  Enjoy your event! The Polite One More by The Polite One What to Wear for a Formal Wedding in the Informal Midwest? What to Wear to a Wedding at a Golf Course? Wedding Etiquette Attire I...

Dear Polite One, Please help me! I am from Baltimore and wedding attire is very black and white for me, except when I attend weddings for my husband's clan out in the Midwest. They break every rule of etiquette that I have ever known. I always feel so out of place dressing down as they do, or up at an inappropriate hour. It has never really been a problem until now because I blend into the crowd, but this time my husband is in the bridal party, and he will be wearing a tuxedo at two in the afternoon! The wedding is in November. Only the bride is Catholic, so there will be a Mass. Which typically signals me to dress it up right there. But they, no kidding, wear jeans to Mass. I am so confused, not only about my dress, but also my jewelry. Are my diamonds okay? Here is what I know, the bride has a very elegant Swarovski crystal embossed dress, and the bridal color is red. Dinner is a buffet, and there is a cocktail hour. It app...

  Dear Polite One , I'm going to a wedding in August that starts at 7:00 in the evening. It is not a church wedding; it will be held at a golf course and park meeting center which is genuinely nice. What should my husband and I wear, and should I wear hosiery? Anne in North Carolina   Dear Anne in North Carolina, More than likely, this will be cocktail attire .  So, your husband would be best dressed in a suit and you in a warm-weather cocktail dress—the little black dress or its equivalent. Hose is unnecessary and a fashion faux pas with open-toed shoes. Enjoy! The Polite One More by The Polite One Anti-Clueless Advice: 3 Most Asked Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered Wedding Etiquette Attire Interview: What are Today's Taboos? Nix Embarrassing Speeches & Rings All Around

Dear Polite One , I found your site on Google and feel you could answer a sticky question regarding wedding etiquette.  My niece is getting married and has limited seating at the reception.  Invitations were sent out for the number of seats available.  The RSVP cards are now coming back with acceptance for more than were invited.  For example, if the invitation was for Miss Smith, Miss Smith responded for herself and a guest. Another example is Mr. & Mrs. John Doe responded with Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and Johnny (the son).  How is the mother of the bride supposed to handle these rsvps for people who were not initially invited on the invitation?  Thank you for your response to this sticky situation. Susan Dear Susan ,  This is a common problem with no real answer.  We use the inner envelopes so we can write exactly who is invited yet our guest insists on adding their own names to the response card.  My job is to tell ...

  Why host your wedding in a county courthouse when you could be taking those nuptials to Hawaii or some other tropical location?   Sounds great, doesn’t it?   Yes, it is.   Still, due to the costs involved, you just may be the only two enjoying those nuptials.   Fold in those traditional wedding elements that might irritate guests already cash-strapped due to those costs...well, you might lose relationships as well.   What to do?   How to plan your destination wedding with guests in mind?   I’ve got you covered! Save The Date Even though save-the-date cards are optional, it is best to notify your guests well ahead of the wedding date (perhaps a year).   Many, if not most, must take vacation time and this may require a year's notice.   Please Note Include a travel agent or venue contact information.   All who receive save the date cards also receive invitations. Use the preferred gift shipment address for your RSVP add...

As an etiquette specialist, I have received many questions from various networks and organizations.   What follows is an example of one that was never printed. Dear Polite One, Say a couple feels strongly about a certain charity and wants to skip giving wedding favors to their guests and instead donate in their name.   Are there any charities that appear more appropriate or some that are not?   Additionally, do you know of anything else a couple might need to know about this topic? Thank you, Needs Copy Dear Needs Copy, Essentially, wedding favors are a gift to guests. It’s a token of the couple’s appreciation.   In the past, most etiquette professionals would advise—and some may still—that it is impolite to give that gift to another.   However, with so many in need, it is becoming more acceptable to give, rather than receive a small token, which most favors are.   With that said, the couple should mention this decision on their wedding we...

  Not that it happens often, but sometimes couples realize their next move isn’t wedded bliss—not to each other, that is.   Unfortunately, this sudden realization can happen close to the wedding date.   Yikes!   If this decision only affected the couple, most would simply console the couple and encourage both to move on.   That’s not the reality in many cases.   Most often, a wedding affects many family members and friends.   Some of the affected are cash-strapped, previously attached at the hip, bridal attendants.   The unfortunate truth is these tireless cheerleaders of the bridal couple are often stuck with insanely ugly attire and travel fees for a wedding that suddenly disappeared like that sock that went into the dryer but vanished during the last dry cycle.   What to do??   Let’s find out. Dear Polite One, I thought the bride and I were closer, but I'm very disappointed in her behavior.   She and her fiancé br...

  We often consider domestic abuse as a problem couples have—too many, in fact—but, probably not surprisingly, abusive parents are just as common.   When this is an issue, the child victims are, understandably, traumatized for life.   Still, when we have a major life event, we may feel the pull to involve that parent.   Should we? How do we respond to those asking about that parent when not invited? Dear Polite One, My mother is an abusive drug addict, so I do not associate with her.   Thus, she is not invited to my wedding.   What can I say to those asking about my family?   I have none besides her, so there will be no family on my side of the aisle.   Also, how do I word the program?  For "seating of the mothers" I have nothing to say.   Trying to Appear Calm Dear Trying to Appear Calm, Unfortunately, your situation is not uncommon, although I wish it were.   When guests ask about your mother or family, don...